


Cause you got nothing to Prove

by Acacia_Mac



Series: The Fates Decide - Night Fires Burning Bright [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Domestic Violence, Gen, Period-Typical Homophobia, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Pre-Slash, World War II
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-28
Updated: 2014-04-28
Packaged: 2018-01-21 03:36:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 25,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1536146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Acacia_Mac/pseuds/Acacia_Mac
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You’ve known me all your life…”<br/>James Buchanan Barnes only wanted to go and play catch with the kids down the street, he didn’t expect for his ma to bring him with her when she watched the kid next door.<br/>Part One of The Fates Decide</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part one

**Author's Note:**

> So this insanity started off with a huge brain storm about Loki and Thor and Odin and a whole messed up way to mix mythology and movie-verse and well my own insanity. So I started plotting and planning. Then came TWS and needless to say it exploded even further. Originally this was only going to be a 3 MAYBE 4 part series, now I have parts of 10 Parts plotted and planned…  
> Someone shoot me now!  
> Needless to say I guess this is what happens when you decide to start writing again after five or six years… the mind just goes nuts! It all becomes absolutely crazy when the mind now wants to play. Damn muse came back with a vengeance.  
> I have no beta so if you would like to be one, please let me know. I always love constructive critism. With work it will be hard for me to update so I have tried to get much of the parts done before I start posting since I really don’t like being left hanging on stories. But if there is a break between parts please be patient.  
> So originally this was supposed to be Part two of this whole little insanity with the back story of Loki/Thor being part one but well.... For once Bucky sort of beat Loki (ahhh) for control of my mind. So had to re-arrange the whole thing. So Cap stuff first then the back story of Loki/Thor then the rest of the fun. All depends on my muse. Damn you Bucky!!!  
> Parts maybe a little slow in coming, I want to have it completely written or at least mostly written before I start posting, hate leaving fics behind so want to have it done or mostly done before I start. This part is completely done and will plan to post one part a day.  
> Love it/hate it… let me know. This Series will cover the whole MCU and some parts maybe disturbing for some ‘viewers’ (but I will post warnings so you know.) but know this will be M/M and M/F so all will be covered. So not your cup of tea, leave now. Some parts can be read as stand-alone, but for the whole sense of things best to read all.  
> On that note… Hope you enjoy (ducking) I regret nothing!  
> With this part I am going to take some liberty and change some dates around. I will explain some of my thinking in the end notes. Just know this definitely does not follow the Steve getting his 1A on June 14, 1943 as in Movie-verse.

 

~~~***~~~***

**Brooklyn Summer 1920**

**Steve 2 Bucky 3**

Young James Buchanan Barnes was running around the small apartment, waiting and hoping for his ma to come home.  When she left for the corner market she had promised that when she returned she would have a surprise for the young three year old.  All he knew was that tonight was a night for just him and his ma, for his pa was working late.  

James’ pa was fun, he thought.  Most of the time.  There were times though that James knew he had to hide under his bed and cover his ears so he didn’t hear his ma’s screams.  James just figured that people didn’t understand that his pa was a hero of the war.  His ma told him that sometimes his pa has a hard time adjusting, whatever that means.  All James knows is that when his pa up and around and not sitting in front of the radio with big bottle beside him, he was a great man who taught James everything he knew.

The other times, James wished he could just hide somewhere else.

“Bucky!” the young boy heard as the door opened.  “Where are you, you little devil?”

Hearing his mother’s voice, James ran as fast as his little legs could take him straight into his ma’s legs.  “MA!!!  Ice ceam?”  What else would a three year old want on a hot summer day?

“In a little while, Bucky.  First I want you to get washed up and changed.  We’re going next door to help Sarah with her son.”  James’ eyes lit up.  He had a few friends from the neighborhood but he was always looking for more.  

“Ok,” quickly James ran back to his room and started throwing some of his toys into a little bag his ma made him.  Quickly rushing to the door, Bucky stood waiting for his ma to finish.  He didn't know why he had to wait, he already knew where to go and could meet her there.  "Ma!" he cried out bouncing from one foot to the other.  "Let go!"

"Hold on you little devil, I have to get one more thing," his ma laughed as she placed another item in her small bag and reached over to open the door.  "Now we can go."

Bucky ran as fast as he could, he always liked making new friends and knowing that he could have one right there in his building, well it was too good to pass up.  Most of his friends lived far away, well down the street and his ma always told him he wasn't old enough to go to their houses without her there.  Bucky just didn't understand, he was 3 for crying out loud, he could make it.  He was a big boy.

The door before him opened and a pretty lady with blonde hair smiled down at him.  "Why hello," she smiled.  "And who might you be?"

"I Bucky," he said proudly.  "You talk funny.  Ma? She talk funny. Like Mr. O'Mal... Mall..."

"Mr. O'Malley.  They both come from the same area.  Far across the ocean," his ma explained.  Stepping inside the small apartment she handed the other woman one of the bags.  "I hope you don't mind, but My husband will not be home for a few more hours."

"It is no problem.  It will be good for Steve to have someone to play with," the other woman said with a smile.  Bucky's eyes lit up at the name of the other child.  "Stevie, come here, there is someone I want you to meet."  The woman bent down so that she could look Bucky in the face.  "How rude of me, I am Mrs. Rogers, Sarah Rogers.  And that is my son," she said as she pointed over to where her son was slowly walking over to them.  "That is Steve, he is only two just a little younger than you."

Bucky walked over to the young boy and reached into his small bag.  "Hi Steve, I Bucky.  Wanna play," he asked as he handed Steve a small wooden toy soldier.  

Steve looked over at his ma first, then back to the boy standing in front of him.  Smiling he reached out and took the toy.  "Tank you," he quietly said with a smile.  "Pay mama?"

"You boys have fun, I should only be a few hours," Sarah smiled at the two boys as they sat on the floor and started to play with the toys Bucky had brought over.  "I think this could be the start of a great friendship."

~~~***~~~***

** Brooklyn 1926 Spring **

** Steve 7 Bucky 9 **

It was late, the sun setting an hour ago.  Bucky knew he should be in bed asleep but his pa had come home after having gone out with ‘the boys’ and the yelling started immediately.  It was nights like tonight that he wished he was old enough he could just escape.  He hated when his pa drank, hated how he would see his ma covering up the slight bruise on her face or arms.  “I work hard for my money, woman!  To feed you and that little shit.  And what did you get huh? What!?”

“James needed new shoes, George. You knew and said we needed to get him another pair,” she yelled back.  “We would have money if you didn’t waste it at the bars!”

“What did you say?!  You can’t tell me what to do!” Bucky heard the slap, his ma cry out and he just closed his eyes.  There was the part of him that wanted to just crawl under his bed and hide like he did as a baby, but he was 9 now, practically a man.  No man should ever hit a woman, ever!  

“Leave her alone!” Bucky yelled as he rushed into the kitchen and stepped in front of his ma.  “Why don’t you pick on someone your own size?”

“You?  Ha, you little shit.  You a mama’s boy huh?  You think you are better than me?  I atta…”

“George no.  He’s just a boy.”

Bucky paid his ma no mind as he reached over and picked up the bread box sitting on the counter beside him.  The only thing he knew was that he had to protect his ma as his ma had been protecting him.  NO one knew, at least he didn’t think they did.  Women were beaten up every day by low life, good for nothing ‘men’, and Bucky had had enough.  “I said leave her alone,” he yelled as he saw his pa reach behind him to grab his ma’s arm trying to drag her back to him.  “Don’t touch her,” Bucky didn’t even think as he slammed the bread box against his pa’s head.  “I’ll kill you.”

“You little shit,” his pa yelled as he felt the blood drip down the side of his face.  “You think you’re man enough to take me?  You think you a man huh?”  Bucky didn’t even see the fist coming, all he knew was that one minute he was standing and the next his head hit the table and he went face first onto the floor.  “Shut up woman!” his pa yelled as he heard his ma scream begging for him to leave Bucky alone.  “I’ll teach you to try and beat me boy.  You some pansy? I’ll teach you how to fight.  I’ll teach you to ever raise a hand against me.”

Bucky kept hearing his mother’s cries, his vision blurry and he saw the blood starting to gather on the floor beneath him.  He had to get up, he just had to.  He had to protect his ma that was the only thing he knew.  “You aint nothing but a loser.  A man should respect women, that’s what we do.  Don’t you ever lay a hand on my ma again you… you bastard.”  Bucky slowly got up and had just enough strength to push his father.  Luckily since his pa was drunk he could push the older man back.  “Get out.  Get out and don’t come back.  If I ever see you lay a hand on my ma I’ll kill you.  Do you hear me old man.  I’ll kill you.”

Bucky watched as his pa laughed and grabbed the bottle he was drinking from and walked out the front door.  “Oh Bucky.  What did you do?”

“Ma?  He was hurting you.  I couldn’t let him hurt you,” Bucky said as he turned to look at the small cut on his ma’s cheek.  Bucky was grateful for Mr. Rodgers, for he had learned how to properly treat a woman from him.  How Bucky wished he was still around, but he knew he would at least try and keep the man's memory alive and follow through with what the elder Rogers taught him.  He learned more about being a man from Mr. Rogers than his own drunk father, and for that Bucky was grateful.  If it was the last thing he did, he wouldn't let that man who was his father hurt his ma anymore.

“Oh Bucky.”

After getting bandaged up, his ma sent him to bed to try and sleep.  He knew he would have some explaining to do to Steve in the morning on their way to school, but Bucky didn’t care.  For once he felt he won, he was able to protect his ma.  And that was the best feeling in the world.  It was all he wanted to do was protect those he cares about.  It was what he HAD to do.  Stepping in to protect Steve when he got too stupid with the other boys and got beat up in the back alley.  He knew he had to step up as well for his ma.  Cause that’s what men do.

When Bucky woke up the next morning, he felt like his head was going to split open.  His head was pounding, one eye partly closed.  Slowly he got around for school, and walked out into the kitchen stopping immediately upon seeing his pa sitting at the table, paper in hand.  “Ma,” he asked glancing between the two.

“James eat your breakfast and head off to school.  No boy of mine is going to skip class and be a no good loser,” His pa said as he sipped his coffee.

Bucky saw his ma shake her head, not wanting to start up an argument that early.  “Fine,” Bucky said as he just grabbed his bag and headed out of the apartment.  He could feel the anger rise up within him and he knew if he looked at his father any longer he would have found something harder than the wooden bread box to use.  How dare his ma?  How could she take him back after that?  After all the years he had beaten her up and yet she always let him back.  Bucky knew he would never get married, but if he did, he would treat the lady right.  He would protect her.  Never would James Buchanan Barnes be like that no good man who called himself his father.

Sitting on the steps leading down to the street, Bucky knew that if anyone tried anything that day he would lose what little control he had.  He was angry, at his pa, at his ma…Never would he understand how someone could take someone back who didn’t treat you with respect.  “Dang Buck what happened to you,” came the small voice behind him.

Turning Bucky saw Steve come out of his apartment and step up to him.  “Hey Stevie… come on.”

“Buck?”  Steve quickly followed Bucky down the stairs as the two started to make their way down the street to the school.  “What happened?  Did you get into a fight?”

“Nah, fell down the steps last night helping pa bring up some stuff,” Bucky didn’t want to talk about it.  He didn’t want Steve to know how fucked up things were.  Steve liked Bucky’s dad, loved hearing the stories of the war.  Steve’s own pa had died two years ago and Bucky’s dad was the only man Steve could call on if things went south.  Bucky couldn’t let Steve know how bad things were. How his pa suffered from Shellshock, drank too much and took it out on them.  He couldn’t... wouldn’t destroy Steve’s belief that his pa was a good man.  

“That doesn’t look good,” Steve said as he glanced as the bandage on the side of Bucky’s head.  “Maybe you should stay home.”

“I’m fine, Stevie... trust me.  It’ll take a lot worse than this to bring me down.”  Bucky gave Steve a small smile hoping it would be enough to ease the younger man’s worry.  Steve always tried to worry about Bucky, but Bucky would have none of it.  He could take care of himself.  He was the one who had to protect the ones he cared about.  He didn’t need protecting.  He was the protector.  Steve, his ma… anyone who he gave a damn about.  That was what he could do, what he knew he had to do.  “Now come on... we don’t want to keep Sister Haden waiting.”

“Aint that the truth.  She’ll make you wish you stayed at home.”  Steve laughed as the two made their way down the street to the small school.  “You sure you’re ok, Buck?”

Bucky reached around and placed his arm over the smaller kid’s shoulder. “Yeah, Stevie.  I’ll be just fine.”  Bucky knew he couldn't tell Steve just who had given him the beating, he couldn't do that to Steve.  Bucky's dad was all Steve had for a father figure and he couldn't destroy that for his friend.  Bucky would just have to find a way to either hide the bruises since there was no way he was going to let his dad beat up on his ma anymore.  Not if he had anything to say about it.  

Besides if worse came to worse Bucky knew he could always sneak over and stay with Steve and his ma.   

~~~***~~~***~~~***

** May 1932 **

** Steve 13 Bucky 15 **

To Bucky it was a night like any other night since as long as he could remember.  His dad coming home drunk and taking his anger out on him.  Since Bucky's ma died the year before and his dad getting remarried, it had become Bucky who became the brunt of his father's anger.  The only positive thing was Bucky was now able to fight back some more.  Those afternoons in the gym had been helping and Bucky was determined to show his dad that he could handle him, no matter what.  He wasn't going to take getting beat up laying down.  

It wasn't long after the fight that his dad with his busted lip and black-eye passed out on the couch, so Bucky went to his room and gathered a bag of his stuff.  He wasn't going to stick around if his old man decided to wake up and try for round two.  Quietly, with bag in hand Bucky walked out the front door and headed over to Steve's place.  He knew he would be able to get some sleep there if nothing else.  Mrs. Rogers would of course give him a look for getting into a fight, but she would always help patch him up if she was there.  Steve had been sick the past two days so Bucky knew that if nothing else he had a good excuse from going over there.  One that didn't include him getting his ass beat.  He always stayed with Steve when he was sick so his ma could work, it was the way things went and Bucky wouldn't have it any other way.

Of course that had been the main reason for the fight with his dad.  His dad didn't think it was right that Bucky went over there and cared for that 'kid'.  He asked Bucky if they were going against God and if Bucky was defiling that poor sick boy.  He had called Bucky a pansy and how he would beat that homosexuality out of him if he had to.  He told Bucky he was never allowed to see Steve again until he fixed himself. Bucky wasn't sure which made him angrier being called a pansy or that his father thought Steve was.  

Bucky stood at the door to Steve's apartment and straightened his hair and jacket as he knocked.  Mrs. Rogers came to the door and could only shake her head and let him in.  "James, you really shouldn't pick fights with those boys around the corner.  One of these days we won't be there to help you clean up.  Has your Father seen you," she asked as she lead him to one of the chairs in the kitchen giving him a knowing look.  

Bucky wondered how much if anything Mrs. Rogers had figured out.  She had often seen the bruises on his ma and him and he was sure she had heard the fighting at their place.  The only time things were good at his home was when Steve or others were over -- couldn't let anyone else know that his dear ol dad was a drunk.  Bucky wanted to say it was his own good for nothing dad who did this but only nodded in response.  "Well let's clean you up.  Steve's resting right now, he's doing better today," she explained leaving what they both knew as the truth to be pushed under the couch where all the secrets were always kept.  "You planning on staying with him tonight?"

Bucky nodded and let out the breath he didn't know he was holding.  "Yes, Ma'am if that is ok?  I know you have to head off to work soon and figure I'll keep watch over Steve."

Mrs. Rogers placed his hand on Bucky's shoulder and gave him a light squeeze.  "You are a great young man and I'm so blessed that you are in Steve's life.  Don't let anyone tell you any different." Bucky couldn't reply to that, feeling a tightening in his chest so he only nodded.  Once he was cleaned up, Bucky helped Sarah get her stuff around for work at the hospital then walked into Steve's room.

Kneeling next to the bed, Bucky lightly pulled the sheet that had slid down off of Steve's shoulders back up checking for signs of fever or distress.  He noticed Steve's breathing had in fact gotten slightly better, not as watery and harsh as it had the day before.  Steve started to cough, his whole body shaking and Bucky quickly crawled into the bed beside his friend and began to rub his chest and back as he had been taught to from a young age.  "Shh, Stevie.  It's ok.  Breathe.  That's it.  Nice and slow.  In, out.  Take it easy, you can do it." Bucky continued to talk to Steve, quietly and rhythmically helping Steve calm so he could breathe easier. "That's it.  I got you."

Steve turned slightly and gave a small smile to his friend.  "Hey Buck."

"Hey Stevie.  You're ma went to work, so you get some sleep ok," Bucky tucked Steve in a little more under the covers to keep the younger man warm.  It didn't take long for Steve to once again fall into slumber curled up against Bucky's chest as Bucky continued to rub light circles on Steve's back.  

His father's words came back to him in a flash and Bucky quickly swallowed down the anger.  How dare his dad think that what Steve and him had was anything inappropriate, that there was anything wrong with it.  Bucky loved Steve, the younger man was all Bucky had.  And if he spent most of his time with Steve well that was natural.  However, Bucky knew that if his dad thought that others would too. The two spent every moment together that they could, rarely being out of sight from the other.  If people thought that Steve was some pansy then Bucky wasn't sure that Steve could survive the beatings that would be brought down.  

He knew that no matter what he would have to protect Steve from what others thought about them.  They were best friends, nothing wrong with that.  Nothing wrong with hanging out together.  

Bucky decided he would just have to get a job, start looking for some dames for him and Steve.  Maybe with the dames around people would realize that there was nothing wrong with the two of them.  Steve wasn't a sinner, there wasn't anything wrong with him.  Bucky could take whatever anyone tried to say about him, he would take any beating as long as Steve stayed safe.  In order to ensure that, Bucky would have to make some minor adjustments to the way he did things.  It didn't mean that he and Steve wouldn't hang out together and it sure as hell didn't mean that Bucky still wouldn't be here when Steve was sick and needed him.  He just had to make sure that the others saw what they wanted to and realize that there was nothing wrong with Steve.

Bucky wouldn't let Steve be ruined by him. 

~~~***~~~***~~~***

** August 1936 **

** Steve 17 Bucky 18 **

Steve slowly made his way around the corner leading to his apartment filled with an emptiness he didn't know he was capable to feel.  He felt like his whole world was coming to an end.  His whole childhood gone, now he had to step up and be a man.  Bucky had already been out in the work force for at least a year while Steve helped take care of his ma.  Steve knew he now had to get a job and cover the expenses even more now than before.  In the eyes of society he had been a man for a year now, but all he felt was that he was still that little kid running to his ma.  

As he rounded the corner he spotted Bucky making his way over to him -- part of him was grateful for his friend's presence while the other part of him wished to be alone.  It was like a war was raging inside him and he didn't know which way was up and which way was down.  "We looked for you after.  My folks wanted to give you a ride to the cemetery," Bucky said quietly as they started up the stairs to Steve's apartment.  

Steve remembered seeing Bucky waiting for him but knew he had to get out of there.  He didn't want Bucky to see him break down and Steve knew that he would.  "I know.  Sorry I just... Kinda wanted to be alone," he explained knowing Bucky would understand.  He had felt the same way after his ma passed.  

"How was it," Bucky asked.  He remembered his ma's funeral how nice it had been despite the rain that day.  How he had felt like everything had ended.  His father had married again after a year, and Bucky hated living in that place but Steve's family had always been home.  His parents had always been nice and taken him in.  Steve had always cherished his mother and honored his father.  This would be a blow to his friend like nothing before and Bucky was determined to be there if he could -- if Steve would allow him.

Steve couldn't look Bucky in the eye as they made their way up the steps  "It was ok.  She's next to dad."  That was the one comfort that Steve had, his parents were together again.  Neither one had to suffer any more.

"I was just gonna ask..." Bucky began and Steve knew exactly what Bucky was offering.

"I know what you're gonna say Buck, it's just...."  Steve patted his pockets for the key, not able to look Bucky in the eye.  He knew what Bucky was trying to do and he did appreciate it -- it was just too soon.  

"We can put the couch cushions on the floor just like when we were kids.  It'll be fun.  All you gotta do is shine my shoes or maybe take out the trash," Bucky kicked the brick outside the door by the railing and bent down to pick up the key hidden there.  He hated seeing Steve in pain and knew that this was killing his friend.  Bucky wanted to do something to help and could only hope that Steve would take him up on the offer.  "Come on," he begged as he handed the key to Steve.

"Thank you, Buck.  But I can get by on my own," Steve explained.  He didn't want Bucky to worry, to feel that he had to take care of him.  Bucky had done enough over the years that Steve felt that Bucky deserved better than to be stuck helping him out.  Bucky didn't need to be burdened by him.  He would make it one way or another.

Bucky reached out and placed his hand on Steve's neck bending down slightly so he could look Steve in the eye.  "The thing is you don't have to," Bucky tried to stress hoping that Steve understood.  "I'm with you until the end of the line, pal."

Steve felt the tears starting to build behind his eyes at his friend's vow and had to close his eyes.  "Thanks, Buck but really. I'll be ok."

Bucky leaned his forehead against Steve's and let out a deep sigh.  He wanted Steve to know that no matter what he had his back that he would be there through it all if only Steve would let him.  "I know you will, but you don't always have to do things on your own.  You're all I have, Steve, and you've always had my back.  Let me have yours for once, please?  You're all that's good in this damn world and I want to be there.  I want to help.  You don't always have to do things on your own, sometimes you can ask for help and I'll be there.  No matter what, Ok?"

Steve looked into Bucky's eyes and saw he honesty and love within them.  Maybe he could get through this, maybe it wasn't the end of the world.  Maybe just maybe he could count on someone else.  "Ok, just... give me some time ok?  But I promise..."

Bucky pulled Steve into a tight hug and laid his head in Steve's shoulder.  "You know where I'll be ok?  If I don't hear from you in a week I'm gonna knock.  You hear me?"

Steve could only nod, not trusting his voice.  He held tight to his friend and once again thanked God for the gift that was James Buchanan Barnes.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

** July 2, 1938 **

** Steve 19 Bucky 21 **

It was two days before Steve's birthday and Bucky cursed his damn luck.  Figures he would get hurt at the damn factory the day before he had planned a special surprise for Steve for his 20th.  It was Friday and Bucky knew he would be basically laid up for a few days as he recovered.  Damn his luck.  

Slowly Bucky tried to reach into his pocket for the key he had there but with his right arm immobilized his knew it would be next to impossible.  Damn his luck is all he could think.  "Steve," he called out through the door hoping the younger man would be around.  

It didn't take long for the door to open and Steve stood there taking his friend in.  "Buck, what the hell happened," Steve exclaimed as he opened the door wide for Bucky to come in.  "Sit down and tell me what happened."

Bucky carefully sat down on the couch with only a slight grimace of pain and held his arm close to his body closing his eyes from the pain.  "It's nothing really.  Just had a little accident at the factory."

Steve felt like he wanted to punch Bucky but he knew that it wouldn't make a bit of difference.  His friend was already in pain and wouldn't feel it if he did.  "Little accident?  Buck, you're arm is wrapped against your chest, that tells me it wasn't just a little accident."  Steve moved over to the kitchen and grabbed some water for Bucky and carefully for fear of causing his friend any unnecessary  pain and handed the glass over.  "They give you anything for the pain," he asked as he watched as Bucky tried to get comfortable.  

"Got stuck where I shouldn't have been, I guess.  Dislocated my shoulder, few bruised ribs, cracked lip.  They say just keep it immobilized for a few days then take it easy a couple more.  Within a week I should be right as rain," Bucky explained through the pain.  

Steve could only shake his head in disbelief.  "Let me guess you didn't see a real doctor, just those damn quacks at the factory.  Bucky.."

"I'll be fine, Steve.  As long as I keep it still I can hardly feel it," Bucky explained trying to ease his friend's fear.  "Will take a lot more than this to bring me down."

"Don't I know it.  Buck..." Steve began.  He knew what it was like for people to dislocate their shoulders from his ma.  She had dealt with a few when she had been a nurse and Steve always remembered what was needed.  Getting off the couch he went to the small bathroom and grabbed a couple of aspirin.  "Look it's not much but it should help with the pain," Steve handed the aspirin over and helped Bucky with the glass of water.  "Let's get you into bed and you can rest.  That and keeping it immobilized will help a lot -- trust me."  Bucky carefully lifted himself off of the couch and started trying to pull the cushions off to place on the floor.  Steve immediately placed his hand on Bucky's good shoulder and shook his head.  "What are you doing?"

Bucky looked over at Steve and sighed.  "Getting the bed set up," he explained like Steve was forgetting how it was or at least how it always had to be.  The only time they would share a bed when they got older was when Steve was sick.  It was how it was.

Steve just smiled and carefully pulled Bucky toward the bedroom.  "Come on, you can sleep on the bed, I think it would be better for you than the floor."

Bucky looked from the bed to Steve and shook his head.  "I can't force you on the floor Steve," he explained despite knowing that even if they share the bed it wouldn't be the first time.  Bucky often crawled into Steve's bed during the winter while they were growing up and even in recent years during the winter to keep Steve breathing.  It wasn't that it was a strange thing for them to curl around each other.  But this was different -- Steve was fine, and Bucky didn't feel right taking advantage of Steve this way.  This time it was his stupidity that caused this injury not Steve's medical issues.

"We can share. This way I can make sure you're ok.  You've done it for me enough times," Steve explained as he started to carefully undue the sling that held Bucky's arm close to his body.  "I'll try to be careful, but I think you'll be more comfortable...."

Bucky could only nod as Steve slowly removed his jacket, sling and shirt leaving him only in a light t-shirt, then helped him with the belt of his slacks.  Steve watched as Bucky slowly lowered himself onto the bed and rolled over to his left side so he could ease some of the pain.  Steve dressed down to his t-shirt and boxers and crawled in behind his friend.  Bucky would normally come in with scrapes and bruises mainly from fights or whatever but this was almost too much.  He never liked it when Bucky had started at that factory, everyone knew it was an accident waiting to happen but Bucky had swore he would be careful and that nothing would happen.  "You're thinking too loud," Bucky said with a small smile.  "I'll be fine, Steve."

"I know, Buck.  I know."  Steve placed his head on the pillow and watched Bucky begin to fall into a pain filled sleep.  Steve knew he wouldn't sleep that night, someone had to watch out for Bucky and he knew no one else who would do it right.  
  


~~~***~~~***~~~***

** Brooklyn April 1941 **

** Steve 22 Bucky 24 **

Bucky looked down at the paper in his hand and let out a deep breath.  He could do this, he knew he could.  Yeah Stevie would be pissed, but it was the best solution.  Both their parents were dead, Steve’s pa, then Bucky’s ma, then Steve’s ma a few years ago, followed shortly by Bucky’s father.  The two had moved in together shortly after Steve’s ma had passed, Bucky knowing he couldn’t handle living with that drunk of a father he had and Steve needed someone to watch him.  Steve thought he could take on the world, up until the weather got cold or he had a massive asthma attach that Bucky swore would be the end of his best friend.  

Bucky didn’t want to remember all the times the priest had walked in and read Steve his last rites.  He wanted Steve to be safe, to be able to be some damn famous artists like he was going to school for.  Steve was someone, and he was going places.  

Bucky on the other hand knew he was going nowhere.  He was working three job, one at the docks, one at the corner store and the few boxing gigs he could get.  It wasn’t much but it was enough so he could make the rent, they could eat and Steve didn’t have to worry about a thing while he went to school.  War was coming, both of them knew it.  It may not be this year but there was no doubt in either one of their minds that America would join their allies and stick it to Hitler and his goons if it lasted much longer. 

Taking a deep breath, Bucky opened the door and walked into the small apartment he shared with Steve.  Steve was sitting at the table with his pencil in his hand and drawing.  “Hi Buck.  Aren’t you supposed to be at the docks?”

“Yeah, about that…” Bucky began as he ran his hand through his hair.    

Steve let out a deep sigh and shook his head.  “Ahh Buck, what’d you do?”

“Why is it that I did anything,” he angrily said as he closed the door behind him and walked over to the small cooler in the room.  “I didn’t do anything.  That jackass decided that he needed to ‘trim the fat’ he said.  Of course he couldn’t touch any of the union guys so anyone that he wouldn’t get into trouble for firing got a nice little ‘thank you for your hard work, but you’re fired’ bullshit.”  Bucky pulled out a beer from the cooler and took a long deep gulp.  “So needless to say, I have my nights free for a couple of days.”

Steve reached over and hit Bucky’s hand with his pencil.  “We’ll be ok for a while.  I’ve sold a few drawings, and my job is going pretty good.  It looks like I may be promoted soon. I can take the summer off from school, besides you still have the boxing and that stocking gig at the store...”

“You’re not quitting school, Steve…”

“We’ll be ok.  Besides I can pick up some small part-time job at the new stand, it wouldn’t be too much…”

“Steve, you’re not quitting school.”

“Why not, we can’t afford it right now, and it’d only be the summer.  Why waste the money?”

“Dammit Steve!”  Bucky slammed his bottle down on the table and stood.  “Look, I already have it taken care of.  You have a future, a good future.  You have a chance to be someone and for that you need these classes.  And that’s final.”

“Bucky, I can miss a few months until things get settled.  I can go back in the fall, we can save up money.  Besides, Buck it’s not right that you work your ass off.  You could be in school too you know.”

Bucky just shook his head and laughed.  “Nah.  Steve look,” he said as he sat back down in the chair and leaned forward a little.  “You have talent, real talent.  You could make something of yourself, you could... hell I don’t know work for Disney or one of those comic book places.  You could go and get your art at the MET.”

“Buck…”

“No listen.  It’s true.  I know you may not believe me, but it’s true.  And I want that for you.  If anyone deserves to get the out of this hell hole and make a name for himself it’s you.”  Bucky looked Steve straight in the eye, trying to make his point across, trying to get the younger man to understand.  “You can do anything you wanted.  You got the skills, and you deserve it.  You were dealt a pretty shitty card, and it’s time that you allow yourself the chance to make it big, to have the chance to look all those jerks who said you wouldn’t amount to anything in the eye and tell them where they can shove it.”

“You deserve that too, Bucky.  Why am I any different than you?”

Bucky leaned back in the chair and ran his hand through his hair.  “I got nothing, Steve.  I have no skills, no talent, I have nothing… Nothing but you.  You’re my family, and you’re all I have.  Boxing won’t get me far, hell I’m almost at an age now that I’m getting too old for it as often.  Only jobs I can find since I have no trade is dock work, or the damn stock boy at the corner market.  You’ve always been the hope, the one who had the chance and you damn well deserve it.  I won’t let you give that up.”

Steve placed his pencil down on the table and looked over at his friend.  “You’re someone, Buck.  Don’t let anyone tell you different.  You are smart, and talented.”

“But you more than me, Steve.  You can’t deny that.  So you’ll keep up with your classes and don’t worry about making ends meet.”  Bucky reached into his pocket and felt the small piece of paper against his hand.  “Besides, I already got it taken care of.”

Steve glared at Bucky wondering what new scheme he was getting himself into.  “What did you do, Buck?  Don’t tell me you went to the guys at the bar and asked for a job, you know who they are...”

“Nah, even I aint that stupid.  No... It’s…” Bucky stood and took another deep breath and threw the piece of paper on the table.  “I leave for basic in a week.”  He watched as Steve picked up the folded paper and opened it.  “I figured why not right?  It was likely I would have been drafted anyway, so why not just do it.  It’s a steady job, and who knows when the enlistment is up in a year I’ll have a skill.  Something I can do.”

“You joined the Army?  When were you going to tell me,” Steve asked not taking his eyes off of the enlistment paper in front of him.  The glaring 1A in the corner stating that Bucky was fit for duty.

“Been thinking about for a while.  Seen too many of the guys we used to hang with our age get drafted.   Knew it was likely my name was next.  So figured since we needed the money, I’d beat them to it.  Never liked waiting.”  Bucky gave Steve a small grin, knowing that Steve out of anyone knew Bucky the best.

“What happens when you go to war, Buck?  Have you thought about that?  You always used to say you didn’t want to end up like our Pa’s,” he asked, still in slight shock.  It was always Steve who had wanted go into the Army.  Bucky had always been agreeable to it, but less thrilled with the prospect.  

Bucky laughed and shrugged.  “Hell, Steve we aint going to war.  You know as well as I do they just want to send the supplies and let the Allies deal with it.  No way will those damn German’s make it over here.  And the Japs?  They have more important things to deal with.  We’re so far away from War it won’t happen.”  Bucky once again took a sip from his beer and set it down.  “If we do, then we do.  But this is my chance, Steve.  The chance to make something of myself, to get some sort of skill so in a year, I can come back and we can make it.  We can get the hell out of this area and make it big.”

Steve couldn’t dispute the idea.  As much as he wanted to join, he knew that he would never be allowed with his medical problems.  Not unless the country changed its ideas on the war overseas.  He could go to school, finish then maybe try his chance at Officer School, or as Bucky said start his own comic books if he wanted.  “So a week huh?”

Bucky nodded and smiled.  “Yeah.  Guess they really wanted to get me out there.  But look, I won’t need the money they give me since good ol’ Uncle Sam provides everything so I just send you the money and you use it to keep this place running.”

“I can’t take your money Bucky.  I can make it on my own you know.”

“I know but you need to be in school and this place may not be much, but… Well its home.  Besides I will need a place to crash when I’m on leave and we’ll need a place when my year is up right?”  Bucky rationalized.  For once he had through this through, he knew that Steve would bulk at the idea of just taking Bucky’s money when he didn’t live at the place, but Bucky wouldn’t hear any complaints.  “So you do the school thing, I’ll do the pretend military and whatever.  You keep the place nice and warm for when I get home.  Simple.  What is any different than what it has been, I mean really?  Between three jobs, I have hardly been around anyway.”

Steve glanced down at the paper again then up at Bucky.  “Ok, fine.  But I will pay most of it, no arguments.  I’ll be the one living here.”

Bucky reached across the table and held out his hand.  “Deal.”  After agreeing to the terms, Steve got up and grabbed himself a beer out of the cooler.  “You know what?  I have a week, what do you say we go hit the town?  Pick up some dames and hit the bars?”

Steve could only smile and shake his head.  Only Bucky…

 


	2. Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah I know I had said I would post one a day but why not. It's done so no point sitting on it right?  
> This part will deal with Pearl Harbor and the aftermath for Steve and Bucky.  I have a lot of stuff (links and info in the end notes of the last chapter if you're interested.

 

 

~~~***~~~***~~~***

** Brooklyn December 1941 **

** Bucky 24 Steve 23 **

Bucky stepped off the train, bag slung over his shoulder and started to make his way out of the subway.  It had been months since he was last home, after basic and some small training.  When he had joined he had never been sure what to expect, if it was the right thing for him to do.  The last thing he would have thought was that the Army was a place for him, at least in any sort of long term, but so far Bucky was enjoying it.  The only thing he had been missing was Steve, but thankfully, he thought, he would see the younger man soon.  

He had always known that he was a looker, but now he not only had the eyes of the ladies but even some of the older people around would give him a smile or a kind word.  Respect, he thought.  For the first time in his life he felt like he was somebody that he mattered.  Tipping his cover slightly to one of the old ladies on the corner, Bucky made his way down the run down street to home.  Kicking the brick and pulling out the key, he opened the door and dropped his bag.  Arms spread out, Bucky smiled.  “Honey I’m home!”

Steve came out of the small bedroom with a big smile on his face.  “Buck!  When did you get in?”

Bucky laughed as Steve came over and gave him a tight hug.  “Just got in an hour ago or so.”  Leaning back, Bucky took a good look at Steve, and shook his head at the small bruise on the corner of his lip.  “Still causing trouble I see.  What was it this time?”

Steve just shook his head and moved away from his friend allowing the other one to come inside more.  “Well you know, cats need saving too,” he laughed.

“Why is it that I believe you,” he laughed sitting down on the small couch they had.  “At least besides that you look alright.  You have been taking care of yourself, right?”

“Damn Buck, I think I’m old enough to take care of myself you know,” Steve brought them both a beer and sat down next to his friend.  “How long you in town?”

“Two weeks,” Bucky said as he placed his cap down on the arm of the couch and took a drink.  “Started with the infantry, you know but looks like my CO saw something, I guess.  Want to send me to some special training.”

Steve’s face broke out in a large smile as he punched Bucky’s arm.  “I’ve been telling you that for years, bout time you realize it.”  He saw Bucky shrug and grinned.  “Green is good on you.  Never thought I’d see the day.  Private Barnes.  Bet you’ll have all the dames lining up now.”

Bucky leaned back and placed his arm around the back of the couch.  “If just walking down the street is any indication… Guess it’s true what they say, all the dames love a man in uniform.”  Bucky leaned in a little to whisper in Steve’s ear.  “But you will always be my favorite.”

Steve laughed as he lightly shoved Bucky away from him.  “You’re a jerk you know right?”  

“Punk,” Bucky answered back.  Bucky was grateful that so far it was as if no time had passed.  They still had their easy going friendship, despite the time away from each other.  He still worried for Steve constantly.  Steve always had issues with his health, and his constant habit of getting into fights, and Bucky was worried that Steve would push himself too hard, or do something stupid.  “But you’ve been doing all right?  No major issues you had to go to the hospital right?”

“Bucky, trust me, I’m fine.  Bills are paid, school is doing well.  I should be done by summer actually.  Got a good job, well a decent job anyway.  There’s no need to worry you know,” Steve went on to explain for the millionth time.  He knew Bucky worried and he was grateful to have someone around to make sure he didn’t push himself too hard, but there were times when Bucky was too over-protective.  “So what about you?  It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you this relaxed.”

Bucky shook his head almost as if he was amazed with how things were.  “I am.”  Bucky turned slightly so they were facing each other.  “I’m telling you, Stevie, I think I’ve found my place.  After Basic, my new CO said I was too good to be just a basic infantry, so he worked to get me into this special training.  Says I have a good eye for things.”  Leaning back, Bucky ran his hand through his hair.  “I could be a Sergeant in a year, Steve.”

“So you planning on staying in then?  You only signed up for a year.”

“Yeah, you know.  Will have to re-up after my year for this training but… I don’t know, Steve.  For the first time since I can remember I am getting respect.  I’m not just some dumb kid who doesn’t know anything, I’m somebody.  I am the top of my unit, I have people coming to me for help.  Here… I don’t know it was like I was just some punk kid who didn’t know anything, who no one wanted to listen to, I was only good for my muscle, not anything else.  Now…”

Steve placed his hand on Bucky’s shoulder.  “At least they see what I have known you to be our whole life.  I’m proud of you, Buck.”

Reaching up, Bucky placed his hand on top of Steve’s and smiled.  “Thanks, pal.”

“So what do the guys in your unit think?  Are we going to war,” Steve asked.  Part of him hoped the US would finally grow a pair and realize that what is going on needed to be stopped and they were just the ones to help.  But on the other side, knowing that if war broke out, Bucky would be heading out… without him.  

“Some think it is coming, I don’t know.  There are a few that hope we don’t.  They just want to do their year and get the hell out of dodge, but who knows.  That’s something for people higher up then us little privates to decide.”  Bucky had been thinking about it.  He felt that the US would join soon, but then again he also felt that unless something happened, the war would rage on without them.  The US was happy to stay ignorant, and out of the fight.  They had just gotten out of one war, and weren’t ready to step back in.  “Some of the things you hear of what’s going on over there, Steve… The German’s are packing people up on damn trains like cattle and doing who knows what with them.”

Steve nodded, he had tried to read the Times every day hoping that something would change, that someone would finally stick it to the Germans and this would all be over with.  It seemed like a lot of innocents were being killed left and right.  It didn’t seem right that the US could just sit there and allow it to happen, that the rest of the world was suffering as they just sat by and watched.  “Well enough of that.  We got two weeks, what should we do?”

Bucky smiled over at Steve and once again felt glad to have him as family.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

“Hey Stevie, the radio still works right,” Bucky asked a few days into his leave.  The two had been seeing the sites around town, hardly spending any time in their small apartment when Steve wasn’t in school or at work.  Bucky spent the time Steve was out to walk around the old neighborhood seeing if anything had changed, but knowing he had only been gone a few months.  

“Was working before you brought your sorry ass home but who knows what you may have done to it in the past few days without me to keep an eye on you,” Steve joked from the bedroom.  The two had decided to spend the quiet Sunday catching up, listening to some football on the radio and relax.  Bucky still had a week left of his leave before he had to head out for training, and he wanted to make the most of it.  

“Jerk,” Bucky called out as he went over to the radio and tuned it in to the game.  The two sat on the floor, having their lunch and a few beers as Steve was drawing in his little pad.  It was a nice day, nothing too pressing going on, no where they had to be.  The two normally didn’t have time for just the two of them to relax and enjoy, and Bucky was determined to make the most of it.  Even with his new friends in the Army, none of them could compare to Steve.  The two had been friends forever, and knew each other better than they knew themselves.  Life was easier with the other around.  

Then it happened, the world came crashing down on them.  

The Dodgers had just scored in the second quarter, leading the Giants 7 to 0.  It was almost 2:30 in the afternoon, when everything came to a halt.

_ "He boots it and it's a long one down around the three yard line.  Ward Cuff is coming up over his left down to the ten yard line.  Nice block there by Leeman, Cuff still going he's up to the twenty-five, and now he's hit and hit hard.  At about the twenty-seven yard line.  Bruiser Kinard made the tackle." _

_ "We interrupt this broadcast to bring you this important bulletin from the united press.  ’FLASH WASHINGTON.  : THE WHITEHOUSE ANNOUNCES THAT JAPANESE ATTACK ON PEARL HARBOR.  STAY TUNED TO WOR FOR FURTHER DEVELOPMENTS WHICH WILL BE BROADCAST IMMEDIATELY AS RECEIVED" _

Bucky stopped mid-drink and froze as Steve dropped his pencil and stared at the radio like it had caught fire.  “Buck?  Did they just say…?”

“Nah, it can’t be.  No one would be that stupid right?  It’s like the damn Orson Wells thing,” Bucky said in disbelief.  “It can’t be.”

Steve immediately reached over to grab the radio and started to find other stations, to see if they had heard right.  “Yeah… it has to be,” he quietly said trying to find the CBS station and John Daly.

_ "We interrupt this program to bring you a new special bulletin; the Japanese have attacked Pearl Harbor Hawaii by air, President Roosevelt has just announced.” _

Bucky quickly set his bottle down and ran to the bedroom to get dressed.  “Look Steve, I gotta head down to the station.  See what is going on.  Stay here… find out what you can.”  Bucky slide his feet into his shoes and threw on his winter coat.  “Stay safe, ok.”

“Bucky, what if…”

“There’s no war yet, Steve.  Not until Roosevelt says so.  I just have to check in.  Let them know where I am.  I’ll be back before you know it.   Besides if they do want to ship me out now, I’ll have to come back for my gear.  It’ll be ok,” Bucky quickly opened the door, dreading the journey.  “Why don’t you bring Mrs. Johnson over here?  I know her radio is broken.  That way…”

“I’ll grab her, Buck.  Hurry.”  Steve watched as Bucky quickly ran out the door and he placed his head in his hands.  They had all in a way had feared going to war again, and many were ready for it.  But things had changed.  They had been attacked, the safety that they had was gone.  They could no longer sit on the sidelines.  How many lives were lost?  Was there going to be another attack, somewhere closer to home?  Hell, were the Germans sitting out in the bay ready to fire?  The peace that had settled into the small apartment the past week was broken as bombs fell upon the US.

Steve threw on a pair of shoes himself and quickly went next door to Mrs.  Johnson’s place.  Already he could hear the cries and sounds of disbelief coming from the neighboring apartments and down on the streets.  Knocking on the door, he waited until the older woman opened it.  “Steve, I didn’t think I would see you today with James being home and all.  Come in, I was about to make some bread.”

“No thank you, ma’am.”  Steve took a deep breath trying to figure out what or how he was going to tell her since it seemed no one had stopped by yet.  “Pearl Harbor was attacked.  We have the radio on, and thought…I mean, if you wanted to listen in.”

Mrs. Johnson froze in the doorway and slowly turned back to Steve on her way to her small kitchen.  “What?  No it can’t be…”

“They just said it on the news.  I just turned it onto the _World Today_ , Bucky is heading to the station now to see …” Steve ran a hand through his hair still in shock and trying to come to terms with what was going on.  “You’re welcome to join us, or I could bring the radio in here.”

Steve went back to his apartment and grabbed the radio so he could take it to Mrs. Johnson’s apartment with him.  He quickly wrote a note for Bucky so he knew where he was at and ran back.  He set up the radio in her living room and turned up the volume.  As they sat and listened more and more neighbors started to make their way into the room, all waiting for something, anything.  

As Steve looked at the gathering faces, he knew that they were all feeling the same thing – helplessness, vulnerable, lost.  The world truly felt like it was coming to an end.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

It was a couple of hours later before Bucky could make it back to their apartment.  “Steve,” he asked as he opened the door and a small note fell down to his feet.  

**_ Took radio to Mrs. Johnson’s. Meet me there – S _ **

Bucky took a deep breath in relief that Steve was safe.  After opening the door and not immediately seeing Steve on the couch he had started to panic.  Everything was a mess and he worried if Steve would have an attack or worse that somehow New York would get attacked like Pearl Harbor.  Heading over to their small kitchen, Bucky grabbed the bottle of Whisky and headed next door.  Once he was let in, he immediately sought out Steve and the final grip of worry left him.  Steve was safe, and didn’t appear to be having an attack.  “Bucky,” Steve yelled as soon as he spotted his friend, getting off the floor and rushing over to him.  “So?”

“No word yet.  They said once they know more…” Bucky looked around the small group gathered and let out a long sigh.  “Anything?”

“They bombed the harbor, all the ships, Got Hickman’s field and the base, what is it…”

“Wheeler’s field,” Bucky whispered as he closed his eyes.  “The Army Air force base there.  Had some guys I went to basic with get orders there.”  Bucky leaned against the wall and his grip on the bottle in his hand tightening.  “Fuck, Stevie.  What happened?”

Steve wrapped his arms around Bucky trying to offer support.  He didn’t know that Bucky would know anyone there but it shouldn’t have come as a surprise.  Bucky was good at making friends, always had been.  It shouldn’t surprise him that some of the guys Bucky knew would have been out there.  “I’m sure they are ok, Buck.”  Bucky could only nod as he stared at the wall across the way.  Knowing that Bucky needed to hear the rest, Steve reached out and grabbed a hold of the older man’s hand.  “They aren’t sure yet how many dead.  But they said Japan declared war about ten minutes ago against us and Britain.  It’s crazy, Bucky.  Reports of bombings in Manila and Guam, ships out at sea…No one knows for sure yet.”

Bucky slowly brought the bottle to his lips and took a deep drink.  Who knew the next time he’d be able to have anything like this, hell the next time anyone here would be able to.  “The station was in panic, everyone crowded around the teletype and radio.  Guys on the phone to the higher ups.”  Bucky could see the panic in every one of their faces still in his mind.  “Dammit Steve, the damn streets are practically bare.  Everyone is crowding into the bars and anywhere they can get to a radio.  Already people are saying that the end of the world is coming.  Saw mothers just holding their kids, crying… people running trying to find cover like we were getting bombed in Central Park or something.  There were these guys on one of the corners, hell I don’t even remember where saying that this was a conspiracy.  That our own damn government planned this.”  Bucky took another drink and handed the bottle to Steve.  “The whole damn world has gone insane.”

Mrs. Johnson walked over to the two young men and gave them a smile.  “Come on boys, there’s a nice spot right on the couch for ya.”

“Thank you, Ma’am,” Steve said as the two friends made their way over to the couch.  Every eye in the room was stealing glances at them, knowing that soon Bucky would be heading off to war.  He was the only one in this old building that was right now.  Steve knew that soon Bucky would leave and who knew how long it would be before they saw each other again, or if they would.  Steve swore no matter what he would make Bucky’s last days here enjoyable.  

~~~***~~~***~~~***

**_ “ _ ** _ Yesterday, December 7th, 1941 -- a date which will live in infamy -- the United States of America was suddenly and deliberately attacked by naval and air forces of the Empire of Japan.” _

Throughout the night, no one left Mrs. Johnson’s apartment.  People slept where they could, when they could but all wanting and waiting for word.  For any word on what was going on far in the Pacific.  How many dead? How did this happen?  How did we not know? How many of their young men would lose their lives in the coming years?  What about Germany?  All these questions and no real answers but all knowing that life as they knew it had changed in the past 24 hours.  Nothing would be the same.  Would they ever feel safe again?

People came and went in the small apartment bringing food and drinks, but all silent as soon as the news came on, only talking during the normal programming.  

Some had gone to sleep all believing that only 104 people dead and only 300 wounded, but it wasn’t until just over an hour before the President went on did they all find out just how many lives were lost.  

** Casualty figures in Hawaii are now estimated at 3,000, including 1500 fatalities ** , they had announced and they all had stopped breathing.

As they all listened to the President’s address, sneaking glances over to Steve and Bucky.  The words ‘very many American lives have been lost’ struck deep into all their hearts, and some of the women in the room openly cried.  Bucky every once in a while would reach over and grab a hold of Steve’s hand just making sure that something was real since it seemed that nothing else was real around him.  

Ships torpedoed between San Francisco and Hawaii, attacks at Malaya, Hong Kong, Guam, Philippine Islands, Wake Island, Midway.  How could so many attacks go on without anyone knowing about it?  How could the Japanese gather such a force and strike such a deadly blow to the Allies without any word.  Fear, Bucky knew, would be around the hearts and souls of many Americans in the coming days and months.  At least until they could get their troops over there and start winning this war.  

“ _As Commander in Chief of the Army and Navy, I have directed that all measures be taken for our defense. But always will our whole nation remember the character of the onslaught against us.”_   This was it, Bucky knew.  A declaration of war.  _“No matter how long it may take us to overcome this premeditated invasion, the American people in their righteous might will win through to absolute victory."_

Steve looked around the room.  Everyone knew what was being said, and it came as no surprise.  Even if he had not yet directly stated war was declared, it was there.  How many of their sons and husbands, friends and family would head out in the coming days?  Steve wasn’t sure.  He knew Bucky would be leaving soon, even if he got to stay until the end of the week.   _“With confidence in our armed forces, with the unbounding determination of our people, we will gain the inevitable triumph -- so help us God. I ask that the Congress declare that since the unprovoked and dastardly attack by Japan on Sunday, December 7th, 1941, a state of war has existed between the United States and the Japanese empire.”_

There it was -- War.  Steve could only hope he could get in.  He didn’t want to think of off those men going off to fight, to try and prevent another one of these attacks and knowing he was ‘staying home safe’.  He knew Bucky wouldn’t agree, hell he’d most likely put up one hell of a fight.  But Steve knew in that moment he never wanted anyone to feel like this again, no one would ever make them feel small and afraid.  Not if he had anything to say about it.

“Well that’s it,” Bucky said.  “We’re at war.  Not that it’s any surprise but...”  Standing Bucky headed out of the small apartment and lit a cigarette.  When Steve followed him out, Bucky could only shrug.  “I told myself I would never pick one of these up again.  But after Basic it just seemed…”

Steve only leaned against the railing beside Bucky and looked out at the city.  It was strange what 24 hours can do to your outlook.  Even the city looked different, the night sky, everything.  They weren’t young kids anymore protecting the neighborhood, they were grown men in a world at war.  Steve glanced over at the street and nudged Bucky when they saw a car pull up.  Fear started to grip Steve when he saw the green uniform of the man who started their way.  Bucky put out his cigarette and walked down the steps.  Standing at attention, Bucky saluted.  “Sir.”

“Private Barnes,” the other man stated returning the salute.  “You are to report to the station tomorrow at 0900 hours.  We need to get you out to your training, ASAP.”

“Yes, sir.  I will be there,” Bucky stated as he watched the man return to the car and drive off.  Simple, quick.  Bucky knew they must be heading to all active duty men in the area, letting them all know that it was time.  Bucky headed back up the stairs and glanced over at Mrs. Johnson’s apartment.  “So, guess I head out tomorrow.”

Steve could only nod, he had been dreading it, wishing he would have had more time.  “Well there’s still tonight.  How about we head to the bar down the way.  For old time sake.  Maybe take in a movie or something.”

Bucky could only smile as he swung his arm around Steve’s shoulder.  “You know that’s the best damn news I have heard all day.  Come on.  Let’s go.”  The two quickly got their jackets and closed up their apartment.  Saying good-bye to Mrs. Johnson and everyone they quickly reached the bar.  Like most places the small bar was packed.  People all gathering around whatever they could to hear the news, so Bucky and Steve found a small booth in the far corner and ordered their drinks and some lunch.  “You know it’s not like I’m going straight to the fight.  I still have my training to do.  Still have to get my orders.  Hell who knows where I’ll even end up.  For all I know they could stick me in damn Texas or somewhere far from the fighting.”

“Somehow I doubt that.”  Steve was proud of Bucky, had been since the man had decided to enlist, but now everything was different.  Bucky wasn’t serving during peace time, he had already agreed to re-enlist so they both knew that eventually Bucky would be heading off to war.  Steve just wasn’t sure he had expected it so soon.  “How long is the training?”

“Couple of months.  I should be able to take some time in the spring or so stop by here and, you know…Will all depend on the training.  I’m sure they will want me out there soon but who knows.”  Bucky took a bite of his sandwich and smiled.  “Hey, don’t worry about me.  I’ll be back before you even know I’m gone.  We’ll take a couple of dames out, paint the town.  I have all intent to be here for your graduation.”

“We’ll see,” Steve said as he took a sip of his beer.  “Seems so far off now, and well… I don’t know.  What good is art school, Buck when there’s a war going on?”

Bucky set down his food and stared at his friend.  “Steve, war has been declared what… 30 minutes and already you’re starting?  Really?”

“I’m just saying, why shouldn’t I try?  What good is art and drawing while men are lining up down the street to fight?”

“Steve, really?”  Bucky knew that this would happen.  He had only hoped he would have had some time to formulate some sort of plan.  The last thing he wanted was Steve to try.  It wasn’t that HE didn’t think Steve would be an asset to the Army, but he knew the Army had other plans.  Steve would never get anything other than a 4F stamp.  Bucky didn’t want to see Steve disappointed.  “Look.  Just do me a favor ok?”

“What,” Steve asked a little put off by Bucky’s attitude.

“Just hold off until I get back from Training ok?  We can work something out.  See if we can find a way to get you to help out.  Let me check into things.”  Bucky tapped Steve with his fork and glanced up at the younger man.  “Promise me, you’ll finish school.  Hell with that, you’ll have a better shot.  Officers will be needed more than damn NCO’s like me and for that you need that education.”

Steve thought about it and Bucky was right.  With the college education he could try for West Point or something like that.  “Fine.  But I will try.”

“Fine.”  Bucky but he knew that it very well could be a lost cause.  “Just promise me that you won’t do anything stupid until I get back.”

Steve raised his glass in a mock salute and gave Bucky a smile.  Somehow Bucky knew he had already lost.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

Steve watched as Bucky made his way down the stairs and down the street.  With the events of the last few days, he wasn't sure anymore of his place.  Steve could admit it was hard seeing Bucky leave for Basic so many months ago, but now this time he was leaving and in all honesty, Steve wasn't sure if he would ever see his friend again.  They were now at war and despite the fact that Bucky was heading to training, he could be assigned to a unit and shipped out immediately.  Bucky was heading to war it was as simple as that.  

But Steve also knew that Bucky was right.  As he was right now, he may not have a chance at getting in.  He knew he wasn't in the best of shape and his health wasn't the greatest.  So he would finish school, the Army would need some guys with a college education behind them to help in the fighting.  He would take some extra courses, besides the mandatory for his art degree, start in at the gym when he has some free time.  

With a plan in mind, Steve walked back into the apartment and started to plan.  

~~~***~~~***~~~***

** January 1942 **

_ Steve, _

_ Well made it to the training, and I can say already that this should be an interesting few months.  My CO, he is one serious hard-ass let me tell you.  Already he has kicked ten guys to the damn curb sending them straight out to the front line and it's only been about a month.  He kinda reminds me of Mr. Steward down on 33rd.  Remember him?  How he always used to bust our asses when we were kids.   _

_ He seems to like me though, thankfully.  I make sure my damn gun is clean, damn near spotless, same with my rack.  Trust me, if nothing else when I get out, I can get into cleaning the way he wants things I think I will be a damn pro by the time I leave here.  During the day we drill, and I can tell you running with these packs wasn't fun in basic -- even less fun now with all this extra stuff they make us carry.  Then after having us run five damn miles through the forest or up these damn mountains whatever, we are assigned a target to hit.   _

_ Thankfully I'm a good shot.  Have yet to miss one.   _

_ Didn't know if I told you, we didn't really get into much before I left, but they are training me to be a sniper. Do you believe that?  Me?  Definitely having to learn patience.  When they make you sit or lay in the same spot for hours before you get the go ahead to shoot.  I have never been one to wait, but damn I sure as hell am learning now.  Last thing I want is to give them an excuse.  My old CO thought I could do it, and I don't want to disappoint him you know? _

_ Besides you, he was the only one who seemed to give a damn about me, and I don't know, would hate to disappoint either one of you two. _

_ It is a little shocking that they have us doing all these months of training and now just shipping us out to the front line.  They say they want and need some of the best, and why they are taking their time.  We're being trained field medic stuff, shooting, leadership and we'll learn how to properly jump out of a plane.  Shooting is our priority, but they want some guys who can do everything.  Said we need guys for the special missions.  Just saw one class graduate and they will be heading out tomorrow. _

_ Anyway, how's school going?  You know you better send me some, or keep em hidden.  One day they will be worth a lot of damn money.  I won't be a damn hound and stuff but just know I worry about you.  Winter was never fun and it will make my life easier if I know you're taking care of yourself.   _

_ By the way did you get the package I sent for Christmas?  I know it isn't much, but figured it is something you could use. _

_ You better write Punk, since you don't want me to go AWOL to head over there to kick your ass. _

_ Be seeing you soon. _

_ Bucky _

Bucky placed the letter in a small envelope he had ready and set it to the side to go out in the morning after chow.  He was dead tired, today had been a hard one.  One of the guys had tried to sneak out the night before to head to town and was caught.  They were all woken shortly after midnight and forced to dress in full gear.  'Team Building' is what it was called, or in other words, 'punishment'.  If one gets in trouble they all are made to suffer.  It wouldn't surprise Bucky if Johnson got beat up in the showers tonight.  Most of the guys were so upset it wouldn't matter what excuse the guy had.  

Of course Bucky was pretty sure that Johnson wouldn't make it through training.  He had heard that only a handful ever made it through the whole thing, but Bucky was determined.  He would keep his nose clean, he would do what he had to do.  It wasn't that he thought he was too good for normal infantry, he didn't.  He just wanted to prove to himself that he could make it that he could excel in something.  His old man never made it pass Private, had never made it out of the basic infantry. Bucky swore he would be better than his damn drunk old man.  He would be something more.  More like Steve's father, who to Bucky had been a true hero. 

All he had to do was keep telling himself that he wasn't his old man, that he was more.  All he had to do was tell himself he was doing this for Steve, and himself.  Being a sniper would allow him to move up in the chain, to be in a special unit, to be something more.

"Hey, Barnes.  Let's go before the grub gets cold," one of the guys yelled from the end of the barracks.  

It was dinner time, and Bucky had a lot more reading to do for the class they had first thing.  But after missing breakfast and the heavy workout they received, Bucky knew that he had to get some grub in him.  "Let's go," he replied as he stood up and ran out the door.  "Did you catch that Marlin left?  Saw his rack turned down."

"Damn, of course didn't think he would make it through but thought he would at least make it half way," the other stated.  "Of course after today, I bet we lose a few more.  Damn Johnson..."

Bucky couldn't say anything to that, knowing any good word right now for the young kid would be seen as 'helping'. _Just keep your nose clean, Buck and you can make it,_ he told himself.   _Only 118 days and a wake up._ __

~~~***~~~***~~~***

** April 1942 **

Bucky looked out of the open door and let out a long breath.  He didn't mind the first aid, didn't mind the running or classes, love the shooting, but this jumping out of a perfectly good airplane was something else.  Why would anyone want to do something stupid like this?  Granted he knew that there would be times when they would have to be dropped into an area, but didn't mean he had to like it.  At times he wondered why he had re-uped till the end of the war.  He knew part of it, his Sergeant strips were waiting for him upon graduation of this training, and he was determine to go back to Brooklyn with those strips proudly showing.  

"You're up, Barnes," his instructor called from the side and raised his hand.  Bucky stepped up to the open door and briefly closed his eyes.  The instructor's arm went down and Bucky jumped.  He loved the feeling of freefalling, the freedom he felt as he was flying through the air.  The part he hated was the sudden slow-down from the Shute opening and the slight fear that if it didn't open he would be a big stain on the ground below.  In his mind he was counting down, he knew how much time he would need before he had to pull the string to give him time in case it didn't open so he could go to his emergency one.   Pulling the cord, Bucky felt the sudden slowdown and felt he could finally breath again knowing he was good.  

They had to make a certain number of these jumps before they could be called good on this part of their training and Bucky knew he only had ten more jumps to go.  Bucky kept a watch on the ground for the smoke and guided himself toward that area.  It was dark out, early morning but the smoke rose up letting him know the LZ.  Landing a little rougher than he had liked, Bucky walked far enough away from the LZ and went to the area they assigned him for 'lookout'.    These drills were starting to become routine, and they all were learning their parts.  

Bucky listened as more and more of the guys landed and moved into position.  All was going well until Bucky heard the quiet scream above him, and the sound of harsh breathing.  'Come on, come on... open,' he heard and Bucky immediately looked up and saw one of the younger guys, Marcus falling.  Immediately Bucky knew what was happening, and called out for help.  There was nothing they could do to soften the blow, but damn if he wasn't going to make sure that the kid got the medical attention he could as soon as he landed.   All Bucky heard next was a sickening thud almost right next to him, and saw blood.  "Marcus," he asked as he quickly bent down and pulled his small kit out of his side pouch. "You'll be ok."  Glancing up Bucky looked around to see if the help he had called for earlier had arrived.  "Medic!  We need a Medic here!" he yelled and went back to Marcus.  Pulling out a small needle and his small vial of Morphine, Bucky quickly filled it and gave it to his fellow soldier.  "Talk to me man, the doc's on his way.  Just talk to me, ok?  We're gonna get you fixed right on up."

"Barnes," Marcus painfully cried as he fought for breath.  

To Bucky it looked like almost every bone in Marcus' body was broken by the odd angles his arms and legs were at.  Blood was pouring out of various spots on the man's body.  Bucky took off his shirt and started to rip strips off of it.  "I'm here, don't you worry.  We'll get you fixed right on up, ok?  Don't you worry.  We'll get you right as rain and you'll see that pretty dame of yours.  What's her name?" Bucky asked trying to keep the other man talking so he wouldn't go into shock. "Huh?"

"Sally," the other man breathed.

"Yeah, that's it.  Sally.  She should be due any month now right?" Bucky asked as he started to wrap a strip of his shirt around Marcus' arm to use as a tunicate.  He could see the medics running toward him and Bucky knew he just had to keep him alive long enough so that the medics could hopefully do their thing.  He glanced up and saw the rest of the team surrounding him and inside he wanted to yell at them to get down there and help him.  He knew that it was unlikely that Marcus would live but damn it all the rest didn't have to stand there and watch as Bucky tried to save this poor kid's life.  The kid was only 18 and had a lot more life to live, he had a child on the way, a girl at home waiting for him.  He had more to live for than Bucky and if he had anything to say about it, then he would make sure that the kid lived.  

When the medics arrived, Bucky followed them in the jeep toward the emergency room they had set up in one of the buildings.  The whole way Bucky continued to try and keep Marcus awake and talking.

_ Steve, _

_ Man, let me say that I am grateful for all the stuff your ma taught us and all the times we had to fix ourselves up from those fights.  Never thought I would get to use that stuff, but it is helping with this field first-aid stuff they are having us learn.   _

_ One of the guys during a live fire exercise got nicked in the head with some shrapnel, another can't fight worth a damn during the hand to hand training.   _

_ You would do well during the hand to hand, I swear, Steve.  Some of these guys can't throw a punch to save their lives, and they have to have my back out there?  I can only hope they get better.  Have one guy though, I swear he must have had some of that martial arts training.  I can't take him down at all, and trust me I've tried.  He and I are working during some of our off hours though, he's teaching me some moves.  Will show those damn bullies on the street something next time I'm home.  I will have to show you some of this stuff.   _

_ Or maybe we can get you into some of those classes.  God know you never know when to run from a fight, and you always seem to find them.  Maybe you should take some of those classes.   _

_ Yeah, I know, I don't need to worry about you, but that's like telling the sun not to rise.  So deal with it. _

_ How's Mrs. Johnson doing?  She out of the hospital yet?  You been helping her right?  Still can't believe her kids are shits.  Thought she raised them right, but they all turned into no good asses if you ask me.  Glad she got you though.  Hopefully Mr. Roles has been helping, he always had an eye on her. _

_ We lost a guy today, wasn't sure how to tell you.  Only so much of our emergency field medic training can do, you know.  We were doing some jumps and something happened with his Shute.  I was already on the ground when he hit, and ran over.  He was in so much pain, and I tried everything I could but.  We're having a small service tomorrow for him, they will be shipping him home tomorrow night. _

_ It got me thinking though.  I always knew that something could happen, granted never thought that it could happen in training but then I've always been a little slow on some things.  Listen, I guess what I am trying to say is that I changed my forms listing you as next of kin.  I want to make sure that if anything happens to me, either here or once I get out into the real fighting that you know.  You're all the family I have, Steve and I guess I want you to be taken care of if something happens to me.  As next of kin you can get things, death benefits and all that.  Something to help if the worst happens.   _

_ Now don't go thinking that something will, I just want to plan ahead. I plan to make it through this war, to make it out of here and out of this war.  But accidents can happen, and if I'm laid up or hurt or whatever this way they will have to let you know.    _

_ Can't write much, have to head out to the range shortly for night training.  Take care of yourself, Steve.  Only 45 days and a wake up before I'm home.  _

_ Be seeing you soon. _

_ Bucky _

** **

~~~***~~~***~~~***

** Early May 1942 **

_ Steve, you punk _

_ Yeah I said it.  You didn't tell me when your graduation was, hell I thought you still had at least one more semester, but no.  _

_ I wanted to be there you shit.  Had to hear about it from Mrs. Johnson.  I can't tell you how damn proud I am of you, punk.  You made it as I always knew you would.  I just wish I had been able to be there.  Seeing you all dressed up in your Sunday best, getting that damn diploma.  Art major!  Damn Stevie, I am proud of you.  Can't wait to see your name on the same page of some of the greats.   _

_ Have you decided yet which way you want to go?  Trying for Disney or you gonna start your own comic book line? _

_ Just don't forget us poor saps when you make it big, you hear me. _

_ Damn, Stevie wish I could have been there. _

_ Now you go out there and bring the damn world to its knees you hear me.  You go make something of yourself like you always wanted.  You always dreamed of making it big, of being someone and now's your chance.   _

_ I only got a few more weeks left, and I'll be home.  I'll take you out to eat and a few drinks to celebrate.   _

_ You made it, and I am proud of you.   _

_ To the best friend a sap like me can have, the world will know just how great I know you are.  _

_ You're my hero.  Always have been and always will.  Hope you know that.  _

_ Be seeing you soon. _

_ Bucky _

Steve read the letter for the second time.  He had wished Bucky could have been there and had found himself at times looking out at the people gathered for his friend's face knowing full well Bucky wouldn't be there.  He was happy, at least mostly.  He had graduated, and now has his degree.  He could do anything, be anyone besides that sick kid who was always looking for a fight.  That sick kid who wouldn't last the winter.  

Steve had held up his promise to Bucky, he had stayed with the school thing, he had finished.  Bucky said that Steve was his hero, but Bucky didn't realize that he was Steve's.  Bucky was out there, wanting to fight, to protect the country and the world.  Steve hated that he wasn't.  It had always been Steve and Bucky against the world as they grew up.  He hadn't realized until Bucky left for basic how true that was.  He had felt like half of a person, like the team was destroyed.  Steve didn't want to think of Bucky off fighting without him.  They were a team, and Steve was determined more than ever now to try and go with Bucky.

He had spent the months Bucky was away finishing school and trying to get into better shape.  After months of working with Mr. Baker at the gym, he could at least go longer without his lungs feeling like they were going to burst.  He felt he could at least pass a physical.  He couldn't let Bucky go to war without him.  

Steve walked down the street after getting off of work, and stood in front of the enlistment building.  He had to try cause he didn't know if he could trust anyone else to keep Bucky out of trouble.

Taking a deep breath, he tucked the letter into his pocket and walked through the door.  Steven G Rogers would be in the Army if it killed him.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well we made it to part of Captain America: The First Avenger... hmmmm Comments good/bad I'll take it all

~~~***~~~***

~~~***~~~***~~~***

** Brooklyn May 1942 **

Bucky made his way out of the subway, and he felt a small sense of deja vu.  The last time he had walked this way was almost a year prior when he had returned from infantry training.  So much had changed since those days, nothing was the same. The rug had been pulled out right from under the US and Pearl Harbor happened.  They were at war on two fronts, men were dying left and right.  He had enlisted knowing of the possibility, and even when he had gotten off the train a year ago, Bucky had still believed it was a long way off.  

Now, he was a sniper in the US Army, a Sergeant, waiting for his final orders to go who knows where.  He was heading off to war, and Bucky was determined to make the most of his time before he shipped out.  It wasn't that he hadn't made friends while he was in basic or training, but it wasn't the same.  Everyone he met could be dead tomorrow, so it didn't leave for any lasting friendships.  But he was lucky, he had the one constant in his life and he smiled.  

Steve.

Once he had gotten off of the train, he had checked into the Station and gave them his address.  Once his orders came in they would notify him, so Bucky could only get on the subway and head home.  

Home, what a sweet word it was.  His and Steve's place had never been a lot, but it was theirs.  If it hadn't been for Steve sticking by him, Bucky knew he never would have made it this far.  He would have been dead years ago.  When he had told Steve that he was his hero he hadn't been exaggerating.  Steve had always stood up for the little guy, had always stood up for Bucky and had his back.  

Steve was the reason why Bucky was ready to go to war and die if need be.  He would do anything to protect Steve, even if it was to lay down his life.  He would help make the world a better place one way or another so Steve could live on. That was his goal -- his promise to himself.  Nothing would keep him from that.

Till the end of the line, he had told Steve that fateful day of Sarah Rogers' funeral.  No matter what he would be there for Steve until the end.  It was the promise they had made and a promise Bucky swore he would not break.  Steve was all he had and all he would have.  Steve had saved him enough times, it was time for Bucky to step up to the plate and return the favor.

Bucky opened the door to their apartment and already knew Steve wasn't there  He had figured as much, knowing Steve was most likely at work.  He went to the bedroom and got out of his uniform and into a pair of slacks and t-shirt.  The place hadn't changed much, Bucky thought.  Steve had a couple more sketch books lying around, which only made him smile.  Steve, the college graduate, the artist.  Bucky could only feel the pride well up more in him.  

As he reached for a beer and sat down on the couch, he caught something sticking under the couch cushion and bent down.  

Steven G. Rogers, DOB:  July 4, 1920, POB: New Haven, CT  it read across the top of the form.  Bucky knew this form, and he had to close his eyes briefly against the small rage that started to bubble up in him.  They had agreed, hadn't they?  Opening his eyes he spotted the large 4F in the lower corner and he breathed a small sigh of relief.  It wasn't that he didn't think Steve wouldn't make a good soldier, it was that Bucky didn't want Steve to have to deal with it.  

But it also seemed to Bucky that Steve had tried at least once to enlist.  How long ago that was, and how many times had Steve tried.  Should he mention it to Steve that he had found this out, or should he just keep quiet about it.  

Carefully Bucky placed the enlistment form back where he had found it and pretended he hadn't seen it.  The last thing he wanted was to get into a fight with Steve when he only had a few short days or weeks before he shipped out  He had missed the younger man, and bring up the failed enlistment would only cause tension and Bucky didn't want that.  He would get Steve to talk about it in a roundabout way, but he would keep silent if he could.  If Steve wanted him to know he would have told him.  Bucky just had to prove to Steve that he needed him there, in Brooklyn safe.  Knowing Steve was safe was what made going off to war worth it.  If Steve was in the line of fire, Bucky wasn't sure he could concentrate and do his job.  

No he would just have to find a way to let Steve know that he needed him safe, that he needed that one constant in the ever changing world.  He needed to know that when the fighting was over he had something good to come home to.  Many of the guys had dames to come home to, Bucky had Steve and he wasn't about to let Steve's need to protect and serve get in the way.  

It was almost an hour later when Bucky heard the door open.  Standing, Bucky spread his arms out wide and smiled cause no matter what he thought of Steve's attempts at enlisting and the slight pang of betrayal he felt Steve was his best friend and he would support him.  "Well bout damn time you showed up," Bucky said with a grin plastered across his face. 

Steve stopped dead in the door way and looked over at his friend.  "Buck!  When the hell did you get in," he asked as the made his way over to his friend and accepted a tight hug from him.  "I didn't think you'd be here for another week or so."

"Nah graduated yesterday and hoped on the first train out of there," Bucky moved over to the small cooler that was in the kitchen, stealing a glance at Steve.  The younger man seemed tense, and Bucky caught a glimpse of a piece of paper sticking out of his back pocket.  The same type of paper that he had found in the couch.  He caught Steve quickly grabbing the one that Bucky had replaced and stuffed that into his pocket with the other.  "Hey you want a beer," Bucky asked pretending he hadn't seen Steve's guilty look just a second ago.  "Bought some on my way in from the Subway."

Steve turned to Bucky and took off his jacket.  "Yeah, I'll take one."  Steve reached out and took the beer offered and sat down on the couch. "So how long are you in town?"

Bucky sat down next to Steve and studied the younger man.  Steve didn't look sick which he was grateful for.  It was getting colder and he knew that Steve would start having some problems with his breathing.  "Until I get my orders.  I have to report to the station and help out every day for a couple of hours until they come in.  Don't know where I'll be shipped yet."

Steve could only nod as he took a long sip from his beer.  "No ideas where you'll end up at all then?  I thought you would have orders already."

Bucky leaned back and placed his arm around the back of the couch, lightly touching Steve's shoulder with his hand and gave him a slight shove.  "Nah, most of us got out of training without orders just told to hold on as they found us units.  For all I know I could be on guard duty in Central Park."

Steve laughed slightly and shoved Bucky back.  "Somehow I doubt that.  You said you were the top of your class, my guess is they are just trying to find a way to fit you into the best unit out there.  You'll be heading straight to Hitler's base by the end of the year."

"Doubt that, but who knows.  I could be sitting on Guam or some damn South Pacific island for all I know.  But that's ok.  I'm ready and I'm sure wherever they send me I'll be alright."  Bucky placed his beer down on the ground at his feet and turned to Steve.  "So how about we go out and have that Graduation dinner I promised you.  We'll head down to one of those classy dives, eat some of the best damn stakes around and who knows, pick up a few dames."

Steve could only shake his head and laugh.  It was just like Bucky to act as if no time had passed and for that Steve was grateful.  For the first time in almost a year he felt whole.  He wasn't going to waste the time he had with his friend.  Standing Steve grabbed his jacket and stood by the door.  "So what's keeping you?  Thought the Army had taught you to move faster."

Bucky laughed as he quickly got off the couch and finished dressing.  "I'll show you faster.  Just you wait, if you don't behave we'll have to see if you can finally handle the Cyclone."

Steve felt himself get a little green and sick at the thought.  "And I'll just have to shove you into the river."

"I'd like to see you try, punk.  I'd like to see you try."

~~~***~~~***~~~***

Steve sat in the recruiting office with paper in his hand.  Since the war started he couldn't get enough of the news.  Wondering what was going on, if we were making some headway against those Germans and the Japs. He wanted to know how many men, brave men had lost their lives, how many families were now empty.  He knew he was in a way punishing himself, but Steve couldn't help it.  It wasn't fair that he got to sit there and be 'safe' while people he knew and didn't know,  good, brave young men went out and died to keep him safe.  It wasn't far and Steve wasn't one to back down from a fight.  He was used to an uphill battle and even if it took him 10 tries at least the tenth would be the one that counted.  

Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed every man in the line of chairs were reading something, the headlines were glaring at him, letting him know once again that he had no right to sit there and not help out as men died.  German U-boats off of the coast blowing up ships, Nazis invading Russia, and Berlin being bombed.  Granted Steve figured that Berlin deserved it after the number of times they had already bombed London.

He heard names being called and tried to read as he listened for his own.  “O’Connell, Michael," the voice called out.  "Kaminsky, Henry."

 “Boy, a lot of guys getting killed over there," the guy in the chair next to him breathed.  Steve wondered if the guy really wanted to be there or if he was drafted, or worse yet doing it only for the dames.  Steve heard his name being called and he carefully folded up his paper, "It kind of makes you think twice about enlisting, huh?” The guys said.

“Nope,” Steve replied as he made his way into line.  When it was finally his time, Steve stood straight and tall.  

“Rogers,” the doc pulled open the file before him and glanced up at Steve.  “What’d your father die of?”

“Mustard gas,” Steve told him biting down the wave of sadness over the memories.  His father had been a great hero in the last World War and still it pained him remembering how his father had suffered near the end.. “He was in the 107th infantry – I was hoping I could be assigned there-”

“Your mother?” The doctor interrupted Steve before he could get any further.  Steve could almost feel how this would end, but he wouldn't give up.  Not now.

Steve stole a quick glance down at the file in front of the doctor then turned his gaze back up to the other man's face.  “She was a nurse, in a TB ward,” yet another sad memory hit him.  “Got hit, couldn’t shake it.”  Steve knew if it hadn't been for Bucky at that time, Steve would have locked himself away from the world.  

Internally shaking his head of the sad thoughts, Steve watched as the doctor looked the file over and Steve could see what was written there.  What felt like in large print right before his very eyes, his damn past and issues making them all see only the surface and not who was beneath.    _‘Summary of Patient Health Issues’ presented: asthma, scarlet fever, sinusitis, chronic or frequent colds, high blood pressure, palpitation or pounding in heart, easy fatigability, heart trouble, nervous trouble of any sort, has had household contact with tuberculosis, parent/sibling with diabetes, cancer...’_

 “Sorry, son,” The doctor informed him, just another one in a long line so far who couldn't look past what was written.  

“Look, just give me a chance,” he pleaded, practically begging.  _See me, see me for who I am, not what the paper says.  Give me a chance!_ Steve wanted to scream..

“You’d be ineligible on your asthma alone.”  And boy did Steve know that, but he had worked hard the past few months, he had gotten better.  Not completely cured but he was better.  Couldn't they see that?

Steve had always been above begging, he had always told himself he never would.  That was what all those bullies had wanted him to do when they were beating the crap out of him.  For him to beg.  Steve had to try, even if inside his ten year old self was yelling at him. “Is there anything you can do?”

“I’m doing it.  I’m saving your life.”  The doctor picked up a stamp from the side and Steve watched as the big black 4F was stamped onto the form with his name on it  One more failure, one more chance taken away from him.  

Steve walked off with the paper in his hand and got dressed.  Tonight he would lick his wounded pride, then try again another day.  He wouldn't give up, he couldn't.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

Steve knew that Bucky would still be out for a few hours, putting in some time at the Army station as he waited for his orders, and for that Steve was grateful.  This was his fourth try and fourth rejection.  He just needed a few hours to get himself together before he saw Bucky again.  He didn't want to disappoint the older man, not after all Bucky had done for him over the years.  If Bucky knew that he felt like a failure then it would not end real well.  He knew Bucky would argue with him, try to stop him, but Steve was determined.  He would keep trying, he had to.  

Paying for his ticket at the theater down the street from their apartment, Steve could only try and work through this latest disappointment.  He knew he would be fine and he knew he would try again.  But at that moment he wondered if Bucky wasn't right that he should be trying to do something with the education he had received.  As the lights dimmed, the film started.  Steve watched as the clips of the war, of the fighting rolled across the large screen in front of him.   “War continues to ravage Europe, but help is on the way!  Every able bodied young man is lining up to serve his country.”  Steve closed his eyes briefly as he watched all the young men lining up just as he had not long ago.  One day, Steve thought.   “Even little Timmy is doing his part, collecting scrap metal.  Nice work, Timmy.”

“Who cares.  Play the movie already!” 

Steve glanced up and spotted some jerk a few rows ahead of him.  If Steve hated one thing it was no good jackasses who thought they were better than everyone.  “Hey, you wanna show some respect?” 

 “Let’s go – get on with it!  Hey!  Just start the cartoon.”

Steve looked around him briefly and saw the sad looks and some angry ones as the man before him wouldn't quiet down.  Steve had had enough.  “Hey, you wanna shut up?” Steve called out.  If Steve hate anything it was bullies and guys who tried to avoid the draft and refused to fight.  Men who could go and help, but flat out refused.  Men who wouldn't give their lives for this country in which men like his friend, like Bucky were ready to defend these jerks.

Steve wasn't sure how they ended out behind the small theater, but he wasn't sorry.  This idiot thought he was too good to fight, and mocked the ones who were.  This idiot who was so disrespectful that Steve knew he would teach him a lesson.  He had learned a few moves in the past few years, and Steve knew he could give as good as he got. 

Only thing he didn't count on was he was angrier than he had realized, it made his a little sloppy.  After about the third time of falling face first onto the ground, Steve started to get up again and reached for the trashcan lid he had fallen into. Steve held it in front of him only to have it thrown down on the ground and Steve along with it.   

Steve stood again and tried to ease the small pain that was starting to make itself known in his shoulder, the corner of his lip busted and bleeding.  “You just don’t know when to give up, do you?” the man shook his head in disgust.  

Steve raised his fists once again, his breathing a little rough but he wasn't one to back down.  This man wouldn't be the one to be the first.  “I can do this all day,” he breathed and swung.  Steve felt the fist connect and he once again tasted the pavement.  He wasn't about to let this guy win, so he started trying to push his way back to his feet. 

Before Steve could get up, he heard another voice behind him, “Hey! Pick on someone your own size.”  Steve could hear Bucky and the other guys for a few seconds of scuffle as he continued to get up off the ground.  Not only had he failed to get into the Army again today, but now Bucky was saving his hide from a fight.  Steve tried not to let the small resentment sneak in, but a part of him wished that Bucky hadn't been there.  He heard Bucky make his way over to him and could practically hear Bucky shaking his head.  “Sometimes I think you like getting punched.”

Steve reached up to his lip and saw the blood across his sleeve.  “I had him on the ropes.” 

Bucky bent down and picked up the small piece of paper.  He had kept silent and believe that Steve hadn't tried since he had been home, but the part of him knew that nothing was going to stop Steve when he wanted something.   “How many times is this?”  Bucky figured he had been silent too long, he should have said something the first day.  Glancing down at the paper in his hand, yet another 4F glaring at him much like the two he knew about prior.  Realizing it was worse than he had originally thought, Bucky could only shake his head.  He had to say something before Steve got into trouble.  “Oh, you’re from Paramus now?  You know it’s illegal to lie on the enlistment form. And seriously, Jersey?” He said not believing how far Steve was willing to go.  Yes, he knew Steve wanted in and wanted to fight, but Bucky now feared that Steve would get caught and end up in jail or worse.  He had seen what happened to guys who lied on their forms.  It wasn't pretty.

Steve finally straightened out and saw Bucky in his full dress uniform.  Even when he had went to the Station, he hadn't been in uniform, so seeing it now Steve knew.  “You get your orders?” 

Bucky looked down and felt like he was about to destroy his friend.  He knew, especially with Steve's attempts at getting in, that this would be it, the final nail in the coffin so to speak.  “The 107th,” he quietly said knowing how much that unit means to Steve. “Sergeant James Barnes, shipping out for England first thing tomorrow.”

Steve felt like a knife just stabbed him in the heart.  He knew how good the 107th was from his dad's stories, they were one of the best.  Knowing Bucky was assigned to that unit, his friend would be right on the front lines.  All without him. “I should be going.”

Bucky hated the look on Steve's face and knew he had a few short hours to let Steve know just how much he would miss his friend, and to make sure Steve would take care of himself.  Giving the younger man a small smile, Bucky swung his arm around Steve's shoulder and started to pull him down the alley.  “Come on, man,” he said, pulling Steve in closer. “My last night.  Gotta get you cleaned up.” 

“Why? Where we going?”

“The future," Bucky said as he handed the paper over to Steve.  He had to get his friend's mind off things and Bucky wanted to enjoy the last few hours he had.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

"So what started it this time," Bucky said as he placed a wet cloth to Steve's lip.  Together the two had often done this growing up, wiping off blood from each other's faces or hands.  Tending to their wounds after getting into a fight with the neighborhood bullies.  It was almost like old times.  

"Nothing, guy was a jerk," Steve said around the cloth and reached up to take it from Bucky's hand.  "I can take care of myself you know, I don't need you doing it for me."  Steve was determined to not show Bucky any weakness, he wanted to prove to his friend that even if Bucky was heading out to war that he could care for himself.  He had done it for the past year and he would continue to do it.  He didn't want Bucky to worry.

"Trust me, I know you can, still won't stop me from worrying about you."  Bucky went into the bedroom and pulled Steve out a clean shirt.  "But Stevie, honestly we have to talk about this."

Steve knew exactly what Bucky wanted to talk about and Steve knew that if he let it go on, they would fight.  That was the last thing he wanted on Bucky's last night.  "Look, I know alright.  I know I shouldn't lie on the enlistment form, and I know I'm asking for trouble.  But I have to try, Bucky.  I can't just stay here and not try."

Bucky leaned against the door as Steve changed his shirt and shook his head.  Damn stubborn Irish streak would be the death of Steve one day, and Bucky wouldn't be there to keep him in line.  He had to try, just one more time.  "Look Steve, I'm just saying.  If they catch you you'll go to jail.  Is that what you want?  I know I don't.  I have seen what they do to people who they catch.  You're all I have, Stevie, how many times do I have to tell you."

"I know alright, but do you think I feel good about you going out there without me.  What happens if you get shot, Buck?  Who's got your back out there," Steve raised his voice, wanting Bucky to know what he is saying.  No one could watch Bucky's back as well as Steve, and he had to do something, he wouldn't be able to live with himself if something happened and he wasn't there to help.

Bucky reached over and ran his fingers through Steve's hair.  "I'll have a whole unit behind me.  I'll be fine, Steve.  I just need to know that you're here.  That's what I need.  If you were there, and I couldn't ..." Bucky began but knowing full well it was the same argument that Steve was using so he stopped.  "Just ... Ah dammit Steve.  Why do you always have to make things difficult?"

Steve shrugged and finished buttoning his shirt.  "Our whole lives have been difficult, Buck.  Guess I don't know any other way."

~~~***~~~***~~~***

Bucky and Steve walked side by side through the park that had been set up for the event.  Steve looking a little nervous and Bucky knew he had to get Steve to calm down and enjoy the night.  This was just the type of thing Steve liked and Bucky was determined to make Steve forget about the failure at getting in. “I don’t see what the problem is.  You’re about to be the last eligible man in New York,” Bucky said with his hands in his pockets as he every once in a while stole a glance over at Steve beside him.  “You know there’s three and a half million women here?”

“Well, I’d settle for just one,” Steve grumbled.  He always knew he wasn't a looker, that practically every 'date' he had was thanks to Bucky dragging some dame along to go with Steve.  These double dates never ended well.  Either Bucky would end up getting upset with how the dame treated Steve or Steve would just sit there and pretend to be enjoying himself.  Yeah, these never turned out well.

“Good thing I took care of that,” Bucky gave him a small smile.  He knew that Steve hated these but it was his hope that one day one of the dames would see what he saw in Steve and treat the younger man right.  Steve was a catch, it was just finding the right one to take interest and Bucky was determined to make that happen.

"Hey Bucky!" a brunette yelled from in front of one of the many statues lining the park.  Bucky waved at the girl with a big smile on his face.  

Steve sighed and ran his hand through his hair.  “What’d you tell her about me?”

Bucky looked over at Steve and wrapped his arm around his friend's shoulder letting him know that no matter what he had Steve's back. “Only the good stuff. "

Steve stood off to the side as Bucky introduced them all to each other and by the look the girl was giving him he knew that this night would be like most they had gone on together.  The four made their way to the center pavilion and started to look around.  There was a little bit of everything -- from strange superhero costumes to cars to the extreme.  Steve had bought a small bag of nuts and walked behind Bucky and his girl.  The announcement was playing over and over again over the loud speaker that Steve felt he could already recite it.  "Welcome to the Modern Marvels pavilion and the World of Tomorrow.   A greater world, a better world."

They spotted a large stage off to the side and a small sign indicating that Howard Stark would be there.  “Oh, my God, it’s starting!” one of the girls said as they dragged Bucky along with them.  Just looking at his best friend's face, Steve knew he couldn't hold this 'double date' against him.  He couldn't ruin his friend's last night.

There were a group of ladies dancing in front of a car on stage and Howard Stark made his way to the front of the stage.  “Ladies and gentlemen, what if I told you that in just a few short years, your automobile won’t even have to touch the ground at all?” Stark began and Steve reached forward to try and offer some of his nuts to his 'date'.  He could only shrug as the dame just gave him a look and Steve turned his attention back to the stage.  "With Stark Gravitic Reversion Technology, you’ll be able to do just that.”

The group and everyone around watched as the car started to lift off of the ground and hover about a foot off of the stage.  Steve had to admit it was amazing and Bucky wasn't ashamed to show he appreciated it as well.. ‘Holy cow."

They all watched as something sparked around the tires and fell to the ground.  Steve turned and started to look around, knowing what it felt like to have something blow up in your face and didn't want to see the look of disappointment he was sure that Mr. Stark would have.  Steve didn't hear the rest of what was said as he spotted the sign that seemed larger than life.   ‘I WANT YOU for the U.S. Army – Enlist Now.’

Bucky didn't even see Steve wonder off as he wrapped his arm around his date and turned to where Steve should have been.   “Hey, Steve, what do you say we treat these girls…” Letting out a deep sigh, Bucky caught the sign for the Army -- good ol' Uncle Sam larger than life and knew just where Steve was headed. 

Bucky looked at the girls and started to lead them out of the pavilion and toward where he had seen the recruiting station.  He knew exactly where to find Steve.  It was when he spotted Steve standing on the small pressure pad, smaller than the image on the wall before him that Bucky felt his heart drop.  He didn't want to see Steve go through this, he didn't want to see the disappointment in his friend's eyes.  After telling the girls to wait, he was grabbing Steve then they would go dancing, Bucky walked up behind his friend and lightly pushed him.   “Come on, you’re kinda missing the point of a double date.  We’re taking the girls dancing.”

Steve moved away from the pressure pad and with his hands in his pockets he turned to Bucky.  “You go ahead, I’ll catch up with you."

It was then that Bucky knew he had to speak up.  He had to try something, anything.  “You’re really gonna do this again?”

“Well it’s a fair, I’m gonna try my luck.”

“As who, Steve from Ohio? They’ll catch you – worse, they’ll actually take you.”  Bucky wanted to grab Steve by the shoulders and knock some sense into him.  He knew that Steve would protest, would continue to try, but did he had to be so damn stubborn?

“Look, I know you don’t think I can do this but I’ve told you...”

“This isn’t a back alley, Steve, it’s war.”

"‘I know it’s a war, you don’t have to tell me it’s a war." Steve tried to explain to Bucky.  He knew it was war, hell he knew it because he knew that Bucky was leaving.  What else did Steve have besides Bucky?  He couldn't just stand by and do nothing.

"Why are you so keen to fight? There’re so many important jobs." Bucky exclaimed.  Why can't Steve see, he could be so much more.  He was wasting his life his damn chance away with this quest, and Bucky didn't want to see that happen to his best friend.

“What do you want me to do, collect scrap metal..”

"Yes," Bucky tried to interrupt.

“In my little red wagon,” Steve continued as if Bucky hadn't interrupted him. 

"Why not?"

“I’m not gonna sit in a factory, Bucky,” Steve tried to explain.  He couldn't be like that, he couldn't be 'little Timmy'  He couldn't let Bucky leave on his own. “Bucky, come on, there are men laying down their lives.  I got no right to do any less than them. "  He could see some of the fight leaving Bucky knowing just who it was he was talking about.  It wasn't just the other men laying down their lives, this was Bucky maybe laying down his life.  “That’s what you don’t understand. This isn’t about me.” 

“Right,” Bucky felt frustrated.  This was just like Steve.  This was Steve, his best friend.  The man who would never back down from a fight.  He had been denied by the Army enough times that now Steve would continue to try and try all because they had told him no.  Bucky had always admired that about Steve but now he cursed it.  Steve was always trying to prove he could do just the same as everyone else.  He wasn't the sum of his medical issues.  He could do things without help.  It was frustrating and honorable at the same time. Bucky could only shake his head for he knew it was a lost cause.  "Cause you got nothing to prove.”

Bucky's date interrupted what Bucky was going to say by reminding him of his promise for dancing and Bucky quickly turned with a smile on his face trying not to let his sadness show. “Yes we are.”  Turning back to Steve, Bucky felt like he had just lost the war -- that if he continued to fight Steve on this he would lose his best friend.  Trying to hide the pain that was starting to take control in his chest, Bucky could only look at Steve and try just one more time.  “Don’t do anything stupid until I get back,” he begged.  _Please, please, please, Steve.  Don't do anything stupid, I need you safe._  Bucky wanted to say but held his tongue. 

Steve looked at Bucky and he could practically feel the pain and disappointment coming of of his friend.  Steve had won, but it was a shallow victory.  Bucky wouldn't stop him and Steve silently wished that Bucky would put up more of a fight.  “How can I? You’re taking all the stupid with you,” Steve tried to joke but falling flat.  

Bucky could only let go.  Steve was his own man and Bucky gave up the right to worry about him when he left for Basic last year.  As much as it pained him, he had to step away and let Steve do things on his own.  Bucky reached over and wrapped his arms around Steve for what he hoped wouldn't be the last time.  “You’re a punk,” he quietly but fondly said wanting to hold on tight and not let go. 

Steve held on tight for a brief moment knowing what it was costing Bucky -- what it was costing both of them to just walk away.  "‘Jerk.  Be careful."  Steve let go and watched as Bucky turned to where the girls were.  Steve knew he didn't want to end things that way so he had to try.  “Don’t win the war ‘till I get there.”

Bucky turned and smiled at Steve, giving the younger man a salute.  "Come on, girls, ‘they’re playing our song."  Steve watched as Bucky walked away and he swore he would make it up to him one day.  He had to.

~~~***~~~***

** January 1943 **

Bucky sat down on his rack and let out a deep sigh at finally having something besides the cold hard ground to rest on.  Since coming to this new unit they had been out in the field about 90% of the time.  He got along well with many of the solders in his unit, only a few that were asses he thought.  His CO was a good guy, good leader.  He fought for his men, trying to make sure that they got some down time whenever they could.  It had been a couple of months since this new Colonel came onto base and took over operations.  Bucky wasn't sure what he thought of him.  He was hard-nosed man, very by the book and it so far seemed like he wanted every man under his command to come back in once piece.  

Already he had been there months and Bucky had written Steve letter after letter.  Sure he couldn't always get them out in a timely matter due to being out on the front lines so often, but he always had hoped that there would be something there waiting for him.  As it was the last time he had heard from Steve was when he left him at the recruiting station back in September.  He knew that Steve had been upset with him Bucky didn't think that he would be this upset.  

Picking up his pen and a piece of paper, Bucky knew he had to try and keep trying to get to Steve.  Steve was all he had and he wasn't ready to give it up without a fight.  Unfortunately he couldn't just pull the younger man into a corner and force the issue.  Mainly he just missed Steve.  

_ Steve, _

_ Not sure if you are even getting these but what the hell right.  At least I know I'm trying.  Have heard some of the guys say that letters back home aren't getting there or main getting mixed up and going to other guys around the globe. Not real sure how many James Barnes are around in the world but I can only hope that is what is happening and not that you are pissed off at me. _

_ I know we didn't leave things on a good note, but dammit Stevie I worry ok.  I know you want to be out here and want to fight but let me tell you it isn't all it is cracked up to be.   _

_ I am tired.  So damn tired of blood, of sleeping on the damn ground with a rock as a pillow.  I miss real food.  If I never see another powered egg or field rations again I think it will be too soon.   _

_ London seems like it is always raining.  Between the blackouts, bombs and rain I know we all are wishing for a change in location.  Anywhere has to be better than this right? _

_ I can't tell you what we have been doing except know we have been out on the line for months, few weeks allowed for 'rest' if you can call a rest in a city that is bombed often that.   _

_ In my unit we have already lost so many guys.  The other Sergeant in my unit wasn't looking where he was walking and stepped on a damn mine.  Luckily he made it and is on his way home but he won't be dancing anytime in the near future that's for sure.   _

_ That is not the way I wanted to move up in the Army.  They have moved me to top NCO of my unit and although it is nice to have more responsibility and be able to have a say in missions the men are my responsibility now.  All I want is to make sure they all can make it home again in one piece and with every death I feel like I failed.   _

_ Sad isn't it?  I know that if we're lucky half of these guys will make it till the end of this war and I shouldn't be asking for more but I do.   _

_ I do think of what you would do. You were always the one who could come up with a good plan, a way to get everyone motivated and stay positive but it aint easy.   _

_ Steve, I just... hell I don't know what I want.  I wish you would write even if it is just a simple leave me alone, jerk.  I don't care.  I need to know you are safe.   _

_ For whatever slight I gave you, I am sorry. You are the best of me, my best friend and my better half.  Please take care of yourself.  Don't do anything stupid, I mean it. _

_ Be seeing you soon. _

_ Bucky _

~~~***~~~***

** July 4, 1943 **

Senator Brandt had brought Steve to a large gathering at the White House for the Holiday festivities and Steve knew he would just have to grin and bear it.  He hated these little gatherings.  The Bond circuit was bad enough but when you added in the 'movies' and all these other 'special events' Steve felt like he was only there as a 'pretty face' and not what he wanted to be a soldier.  Every couple of weeks he would get a letter from Bucky and Steve always cringed that he couldn't write back.  Well he wrote but every letter was taken away and placed for 'safe keeping'.  He wasn't allowed to be in contact they said with those who knew him before.  He was no longer Steven Glenn Rogers he was Captain America.  He was for the people.  Since the experiment had been top secret they couldn't afford to let anyone who had been attached to him before be placed in 'harm's way' so they told him.  

Not that Steve fully believe that.  He felt he could write Bucky and not hint that anything had changed.  Instead he had to keep silent and hope that there was something to repair when the war was over.  

That morning Steve had received a small box and letter from Bucky for his birthday for which Steve was grateful for.  At least someone realized what the day was but it made him miss his friend even more.  Steve looked down at the small medallion that Bucky had sent him and smiled, feeling the letter setting in a small pocket he had in this costume.  It was the only good thing that came out of this day.

_ Steve, _

_ Ok, now I know you are pissed off at me.  But you know what I don't even know if I can feel bad for what happened that day.  I'm telling you Steve, I am wondering what the hell any of us are doing out here.   _

_ I'm not sure if we are winning this war or losing it.  All I see if blood, good men dying around me.  Hell we have some kids in the unit who lied on their forms barely out of damn diapers not even shaving out here in my unit.   _

_ Sent home one yesterday in a body bag.  He was 16!  Damn kid didn't even see the bullet coming.   _

_ I try to teach them, I try so damn hard to get them to keep their heads down but it isn't enough.  But I have to keep trying. _

_ To say I aint glad that the Army won't take you would be a lie.  You don't deserve this, Steve.  You deserve to be safe and not see the shit I have seen here.  Keep your innocence, one of us should. _

_ I can only hope that this letter reaches you, since hell I don't know if any of them are but I can hope right?  It's all I have right now. _

_ Damn am I getting sappy and shit now.  But it's your Birthday coming up and all I can think of is those damn dinners we made back at the apartment we had.  I remember that last year before your ma passed the large cake she made you.  I think between the two of us we ate it all.  I can still taste it and I remember the smile you had on your face.  We both knew your ma was sick but the three of us made the most of it.  We snuck out that night and went to the harbor to watch the fireworks off of the Brooklyn Bridge.  We stole that fifth of whisky from my pa and got so drunk we almost didn't make it home.  I remember you pushed me into the river, or was it that I thought I could just swim to the other side.  Hell that part is a little fuzzy I admit.   _

_ I wanted to do something special for you this year, just cause I know it had been rough for you since I went to Basic and I know you wanted so bad to enlist.  I had hoped to make it up to you. _

_ So even though I am in who knows where anymore Europe, I was able to find you a small gift.  It isn't much but then again there isn't much around here.  The few villages we run across the people don't have much themselves but picked this up from a nice ol lady somewhere in France.  She told me that it brings good health, so of course I knew you had to have it.  Have no clue what Saint this is supposed to be, or whatever since you know how much I slept through most of those teachings at Church but figured you'd know.  You were always the better of the two of us when it came to God and everything. _

_ So do me a favor, alright?  Keep this thing close.  No matter what is going on with us and our friendship I worry and no matter what I will always have your back.  So wear it and stay safe. _

_ We have been moved from London heading to a camp now south.  I hear Italy maybe in the future but who knows.  Anything right now has to be better than rain and cold.   _

_ Oh did I tell you about Dum Dum?  I know crazy name.  We have this guy in my unit he just transferred in.  I swear the guy was some circus performer -- strong man type fellow.  He's built like a damn house and has that mustache to prove it.  He's a great guy though, tough as nails.  Think we'll get along fine.  Has a level head and being a Corporal he's kinda my right hand man.   _

_ Can say he can drink even me under a table though.  Have to watch that.  Last time we got into a drinking competition I think I ended up in one of the pig pens near the village.  Took me a week to get the stink out of my clothes and I swear I can still smell it.   _

_ Anyway, you take care of yourself Steve.  Even if I'm not there right now, know I'll always have your back, I'll always be there if you really need me.  It may take a while but I'll move heaven and earth to be there if I can. _

_ Try and enjoy your Birthday.  Know that somewhere in Europe I'll be sharing a good ol bottle of whisky with you. _

_ A Salute to my hero, to the best man I know.  Happy Birthday, Steve. _

_ Be seeing you soon. _

_ Bucky _

Steve could only close his eyes when he finished as he felt his heart tighten in his chest.  He felt like he was starting to have an attack which he knew was impossible now but that didn't stop the ache.  How he wished he could write back and know that Bucky would get it.  He knew however that it would be pointless.  Nothing seemed to go the way he had hoped it would anymore.

As much as he wanted to be the man that Dr. Erskine had dreamed he would be, he had wanted to be the man he saw in Steve.  But after Dr. Erskine's death Steve was now faced with this, being a poster boy for the US Army.  He felt like a fraud, a fake, and worse yet he felt he had let everyone down.  

How could he even try to explain it all to Bucky?

Steve could only hope one day he would have the chance to explain, to tell Bucky everything that had happened in the past year and have a chance to fix things between them.  For no matter how much Bucky said that Steve was his hero, Bucky was his.

~~~***~~~***

** Azzano October 1943 **

This wasn't the first time that a mission had gone to hell and a hand basket but it was by far the worst that Bucky remembered.  Colonel Phillips had ordered almost all of the 107th out, and at least a few other units.  Bucky was used to working with some of the segregated units from time to time but this was by far the largest offensive that they were a part of.  He could even spot some English troops and French Resistance units mixed it.  

It was all supposed to be fairly easy.  In the past year and a half, Hitler's weapons man had been causing a lot of trouble and the Colonel had sent Bucky's unit on many a run against this man.  Hydra they had called it, whatever that meant.  Bucky didn't care if it was satin himself all he knew was he was getting tired of seeing these guys he fought beside getting killed. He was ready to just throw in the towel and head home.  He had to find out what happened to Steve.

Putting Steve out of his mind, Bucky settled into one of the foxholes with his LT looking over the small map they had.  All around them were various troops, all waiting for the first sign of the Germans coming over the ledge to the north.  Night was falling and Bucky knew that their wait was almost over.  Some of the spotters had seen a large regiment heading in their direction.  "Be ready men," the LT called out. 

Bucky nodded to his CO and started to make his way from foxhole to foxhole to check on his men.  Being leading NCO it was his responsibility to make sure everyone was ready and the men were his responsibility.  

It didn't take long for the fight to begin -- guns, bombs, the cries of wounded on both sides.  Bucky knew that they were outnumbered despite the fact that they had just over 200 men on their side.  He got low into the foxhole and took aim.  _Wait, aim, wind coming in at 2 knots from the east, adjust angle...wait..._ with every shot that Bucky fired he went through his training.  He didn't have a semi automatic only his sniper rifle so he had to make every shot count.  That was his job, take out as many as he could and not miss.  "Sarge, the LT..." Dum Dum called out to Bucky from beside him. 

Bucky glanced over at the foxhole that their LT was in and saw it taking heavy artillery.  Quickly and staying low to the ground Bucky made his way over to his CO.  "Sir, looks like we have at least three battalions north and Hemsworth just saw some units trying to sneak around to the east.  Looks like they are trying to flank us."

The LT nodded and started to order some of the men to move to the secondary and third location.  "Fourth company will handle that, we need to push forward to that small ridge there," the LT told Bucky.  

Bucky nodded and whistled to Dum Dum giving him the signal to push forward.  He knew that Dum Dum would find some of the best guys to help.  It all was going so smoothly \-- almost too smoothly that Bucky knew that the shit would hit the fan.  SNAFU at the max he thought as the bombs and grenades started to rain down up on them.  After two hours of it appearing they were going to win this round it all took a turn for the worse.  Bucky watched as his LT didn't duck as a bullet when straight through his head, blood splattering along the side of Bucky's face.  

All around him Bucky could see bodies starting to pile up, and the outlaying buildings and their supply trucks were going up in flames.  They were being overrun.  "Fall back!" Bucky yelled.  "We need to fall back and regroup."  Since the LT was gone, the failure or success of this mission now fell onto him.  Bucky knew they would have to retreat  Too many men were falling to the enemy.  

Bucky grabbed Dum Dum's shoulder and started to pull him out of the foxhole as he spotted a grenade start  come toward them.  "Move it, Corporal," Bucky yelled as the two started to retreat to a fox hole a few meters back.  All around them they watched as men started to retreat and regroup, falling to either a grenade or gunfire.  Bucky didn't want to think of how many lives they were losing.  

After Bucky landed in the next foxhole he saw Dum Dum land beside him.  "There's got to be at least five more other companies out there."

Bucky figured as much.  His order to retreat and regroup wasn't reaching everyone and if they didn't fall back now more would be lost.  Looking over at the area they had just escaped from Bucky called out.  "Radio B Company.  Tell them we need cover!"

One of the men from the segregated unit came into the foxhole around that time, Jones Bucky thinks his name was, and lifted up his radio.  "That might be tough," he said as he showed them all the large hole right through the center of it.  

"Bucky behind you," one of the other soldiers yelled and Bucky immediately turned to the south and started to fire.  One shot from the north ridge toward them took Dum Dum's helmet right off his head.  

Turning back to the North ridge, Bucky saw a large group of Germans heading their way.  "Here they come!"

"I hate these guys," Dum Dum stated as he quickly put his helmet back on and got into position.  Every man started to open fire, knowing that if they were going to die out there they were going to take as many of these Germans with them. 

Suddenly through his scope Bucky watched as the Germans were being taken down by some blue laser or some type of weapon he had never seen before.  "Get down," he yelled not sure what the hell was going on.  He wasn't sure if he should be grateful for the help or if he should be worried.  Suddenly the shooting stopped and they watched as the Germans started to retreat.  As much as Bucky didn't want to look a gift horse in the mouth he glanced up and felt dread starting to seep deep into his bones.  

The men all around them started to lower their weapons and cheer.  Bucky wasn't so sure if this was a good thing or bad yet.  "What the hell was that," Dum Dum asked and Bucky was feeling the same way.  Was this one of that Stark fellow's new weapon that he hadn't bothered to tell anyone about.  Bucky stood up besides Jones and Dum Dum as they continued to watch the Germans run and some fall to the same blue light.  They all heard something large coming from the east and they slowly turned.  Up over the hill came the largest damn tank that any of them had ever seen. Damn thing had to have been almost as tall as Big Ben.  "Well that's... New."

Bucky watched as the barrel of the tanks large gun moved from pointing at the retreating Germans to point directly toward them.  Bucky had never felt fear like he had at that moment.  He knew they would die.  "Duck!" he cried out as all the men began to take cover feeling a sudden heat as the weapon fired one shot.

~~~***~~~***

** Stateside October 1943 **

Steve walked into his dressing room and started to remove the uniform they had supplied him.  He wanted to hate himself, felt like he was selling out.  He always read the letters that Bucky had sent hating he couldn't respond back. No one was to know about him, least of all anyone who knew him before.  Any letter he tried to write to Bucky was taken away so Steve stopped trying.  He  knew Bucky would never be allowed to receive any of the ones he had written.  But Steve was grateful that he could still get letters from his friend. Steve knew that when the war was over he would have to have a long sit down with Bucky and try and explain it all.  He hated that Bucky felt that he was mad at him and that their friendship was on the rocks.  

"Captain Rogers," Senator Brandt stated as he barged right into the room.  Steve tried to be happy to see the man, tried to be thankful that he was allowed to do something for the war effort and the chance that the Senator had given him, but it was hard.  

"Yes sir," Steve said as he looked up at the man who had allowed him this chance.  Steve listened as the Senator explained how they would be traveling overseas to the front line to do shows for morale, he said.  All Steve knew was that he was heading out.  It may not be that he would fight, but at least this way he may have a chance to see Bucky at one of these shows.  He may have the chance to explain to his friend.  

This was his one chance and for once he was happy, well happier than he had been in a while.  Italy would be their third stop and Steve knew he would finally get to try and make things right.

~~~***~~~***

End Notes (notes, thoughts, and references):

Ok as I mentioned before I had to do some date changing since the dates/times from the movies and history frankly not really adding up.  (yeah I know that Steve's 4th try and the world of tomorrow was on June 14, 1943 but hey, just doesn't seem to add up to me, and here's why)

-Bucky being a SGT.  This is an E-4 the 1942’s (and today still).  Average time from E-1 fresh out of bootcamp (basic) to E4 would have taken a year maybe 2, at least by today’s standards.  This would of course depend on schools/training that one received if they had an education (for any time these help promotion). So he could have gotten E-4 out of his MOS training.  People are promoted faster in times of war for sure.  So since Dum Dum was only a private (E1), I think that Bucky Did his training and shipped off to London around mid to late 1942.  

oOf course there was the pre-war draft, with a 12 month enlistment  This being said I can see Bucky being drafted (which would basically make him a private E1 when his enlistment was over).  He however re-up’ed after pearl harbor which would give him more rank upon enlistment, could make him an e3 or e4 and a specialized training IE sniper… 

oAlso Most men in WWII (those who came in after the war started and most in the military at the time I could find ) were pvt or pfc’s (E1 to E2)  The rank of Sgt was normally given to ‘men who had experience and time’ in.  So Bucky would have had to have some time in, be the ‘more experienced man’  _<http://www.fatherswar.com/8thinfdiv/WW2/ww2_8thgeneralinfo/general%20info/WW2%20Rank.html>_

 

-Steve ‘knocked off Hitler more than 200 times’  With travel in that day and age, if he went into the program in 1943, the serum (and if the dates below are any indication, not possible) the ‘bond tours’ he would have been hard pressed to do 200 shows all across the country in the amount of time that the dates below state.  Possible but man would be hard to do along with all the other publicity stunts that the damn senator wanted him to do. Now if he joins June 14, 1943 even with say a week or two of training (doubtful but) there is only 168 days from that day until the end of November which we know Steve is in Italy in Nov 1943.  Yeah they could do multiple shows a day, and the movies etc but man, even for a super soldier I think that would be pushing it.  The girls etc would sure be tired I could imagine.  Planes weren't as fast as they are now, and if they took trains could be days from place to place not counting the time to get over to Italy IF that was their first stop. 

-We know that the battle of Azzano happened October to November 1943, (depending on how long they had been held behind enemy lines)

-The news papers in the enlistment hall. (dates I found for the following) 

o _Berlin Afire After Big Raid, Hit By 350 2-Ton Bombs.’ -_ **October 4, 1943 (according to**<http://www.stelzriede.com/ms/html/mshwm5.htm>

o _ ‘NAZIS RETAKE ZHITOMIR’, -  **End of Nov 24, 1943  Battle of Kiev (according to[http://news.google.com/newspapers?nid=1129&dat=19431124&id=dAcwAAAAIBAJ&sjid=1GkDAAAAIBAJ&pg=4984,4873905](http://news.google.com/newspapers?nid=1129&dat=19431124&id=dAcwAAAAIBAJ&sjid=1GkDAAAAIBAJ&pg=4984,4873905) ** _

o _‘U-BOATS TORPEDO SHIP OFF VIRGINIA COAST,’  Date unknown Possible_ 2 April 1942 Now this one is completely a stumper.  from January to June, 1942, a total of 397 ships were sunk in American-protected waters. In 1943 there were attacks but I could not find any around the times of the berlin raid and Zhitomir…  Most of the attacks happened in 1942 and most of what I could find for 1943 were elsewhere not off coast of Virginia.  Could be wrong, and sure there could be some I cannot find.

- _ So taking into account the dates above I could find, no way could Bucky have left for Europe in June of 1943, nor Steve get the serum at that time and still be at Azzano in Oct/Nov 1943... and since they had already stated June 43 on the paper Steve got, dates don't add up real well)  I'm kinda picky which brings me back to if June 43 between Steve's training and the 200 shows in just a few months. why not change some dates right? _

-(Football players 1941. <http://www.pro-football-reference.com/teams/bkn/1941.htm>  The Brooklyn Dodgers (football team, yes there was also a Brooklyn dodgers baseball team) vs the New York Giants played on December 7. 1941  the game broadcast was interrupted by the news of Pearl Harbor.  The above is what I was able to decipher from the clip of that broadcast: <http://www.authentichistory.com/1939-1945/1-war/2-PH/> or <http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cYDg4FqlBEc> @ 226pm EST)

-FDR Speech segments : http://www.americanrhetoric.com/speeches/fdrpearlharbor.htm

- Yes the scene of Steve's ma is a direct spoiler from TWS.  What can I say after like the 7th time watching the movie I think I got it pretty much right with some added parts.  Just LOVE LOVE LOVE that movie!!!!  Poor Bucky!!!!!

_ Sooo taking some liberties why not right?  Besides, this seems pretty good for story reasons ... I hope. _

_ Hope you all understand and just wanted to explain what my dates may seem strange. _

On other notes for “series”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Made some minor changes (Mainly dates). Looks like I was close on dates just saw the adaptation book on CA:TFA and yeah... was close...


End file.
